What’s yours will find you -- These words of Hazrat Ali have stuck in my mind ever since I read them, and I believe in this maxim very strongly. I think because I believed in it, I found what was mine. I want to begin the column by admitting that the first thing I have found in this life’s journey is myself. Through all the ups and downs, the high and lows, I have stayed strong and discovered who I am, and my love and passion for performance, creativity and art. As I grew up, every day, every hour, I would understand myself better from the choices I made, including my friends.
I would like to start narrating my journey with my debut film, Aurangzeb (2013) in which I played Arjun Kapoor’s leading lady. It was the best launch from one of the biggest banners, YashRaj Films; but sometimes things don’t go as planned. The film didn’t do well. In fact, it did nothing for me as an artiste.
At the age of 18, it was maybe the biggest let-down for me. I didn’t realise then that it wasn’t my fault or in my control and I was filled with self-doubt about my capability. It was probably a time when I didn’t know myself better. I shut myself completely from everyone around me and was depressed. But this is where my soul-searching began and made me who I am today.
My mother, singer-actress Salma Agha, has played an important role in my life. She pushed me to find myself by letting me be and telling me that everyone’s journey is different. You cannot learn from another’s mistakes, you have to make your own to understand yourself better. Now when I make a mistake, I actually feel happy that I have welcomed a new experience into my soul.
I have learned the hard way that when opportunities come into our lives we need to grab them, with preparation. Many years ago, I lost my grandmother and unfortunately I wasn’t able to make it in time to see her one last time. That was one regret that stayed with me for a very long period until I lost my grandfather, I loved him so much, I didn’t want to see him when he passed away because the last memory I wanted of him was of him being alive and looking at me with his sparkling eyes. A few months later it hit me that my being unable to be around my grandmother when she passed away was good for me, it was a blessing in disguise.
When I started my career as an actor I was given a new screen name. My birth name is Zara Khan but I was renamed Sasha Agha. I took it with as much positivity as I could and told myself that I was meant to be Sasha. Today I realise the importance of Zara and how it came back to me and changed everything for me.
In 2017 I changed my name back to Zara and what was missing in my life started coming back to me. It made me realise that I was just hiding from myself and my true identity by getting influenced by people around me who probably don’t even know themselves any better. Taking my name back was the best thing I had ever done because along with it I took back everything that I was, am, and going to be. After claiming my name again, I feel that whatever I wished for from the universe, will find me.
Today I believe in my craft. I believe God has given me the seed of talent within my soul. I need to water it because the talent needs to bloom. It can make or break you.
The good the bad the wrong the right everything is all you. Till the time you don’t love yourself, nobody else will love you. So have faith in God and yourself because at the end of the day, like I said at the onset, if you are true to yourself then what God has designed for you will find you. Cheers.
-Zara khan
Zara Khan is an actor who has worked in Yash Raj’s Aurangzeb and Khoj, an acclaimed short film on the plight of abandoned NRI brides. She is the daughter of actress-singer Salma Agha of Nikaah fame.
(Co-ordinated by Dinesh Raheja)
