I think I must have been 20 years old when I decided to pursue acting as a career. The first movie I recall seeing is Andha Kanoon (1983) in my village, where we paid one rupee to watch films in a video hall. I didn’t understand the movie at all because I had never seen any film till then. Later, once I began understanding cinema, the medium left a tremendous impact on me … and it continues to do so. But I generally watch non-Hindi movies. I don’t watch the blockbusters; I am more attracted towards independent, small-budgeted Hindi movies.
I used to be an avid theatregoer too. My first play as an actor was in my home town, Belsand, Gopalganj, Bihar, in which I played the role of a woman. Four years later, I did my first professional play ‘Leela Nandlal Ki’. In this Bhisham Sahni-penned play, I played both the cop and the thief.
If you were to ask me to name the actors in the film industry who inspired me to try my luck in the movies, I would probably say Manoj Bajpayee first. I would like to share an interesting anecdote here: I was working as a hotel employee before I became an actor and once when Manoj stayed at the hotel, he forgot his footwear. I kept his footwear as a souvenir for many years!
Cricketer Balwinder Sandhu and director Satish Kaushik have told me that I act like Balraj Sahni – they find me natural — but to tell you the truth I haven’t seen Balraj Sahni’s work. Among my seniors and contemporaries, I have enjoyed the work of Waheeda Rehman in Teesri Kasam and other films, Dev saab in Guide, Sanjeev Kumar and Amjad Khan. Among my contemporaries, I love the work of Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Manoj Bajpayee, Irrfan Khan and Shah Rukh Khan — I was fidaa over Shah Rukh after watching Diwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge.
It was extremely difficult for me to find a decent break in the film industry. I visited producers’ offices for almost eight years but nobody gave me an opportunity. The wait was very daunting; however, I wasn’t dejected because I knew my craft and was confident that as and when I am given an opportunity I would perform very well.
Over the last few years, I have been fortunate enough to have played various interesting characters — Sultan in Gangs of Wasseypur, Lateef in Gunday, Ruab in Manjhi – The Mountain Man, Atma Singh inNewton, Rudra in Stree, Babulal in Lukka Chuppi. Each of these roles was exciting to enact but playing Atma Singh of Newton was a truly interesting process. While in a Gangs of Wasseypur, for instance, I had surrendered totally to the director’s vision and would do as I was being told, in Newton my character Atma Singh evolved with inputs that I had made.
To begin with, it was a cynical character, the villain. He was an arrogant alcoholic. Once I came on board and studied the character, I told director Amit Masurkar that I would like to make him a human being too. I feel no role is purely black or white because nobody is entirely good or bad. A human being is grey. I enjoyed performing as Atma Singh because he plays intriguing games and pranks on Newton and also because I was able to make the character real. I relied on my experiences from theatre and also from life — I have interacted with people in the armed forces and also those posted near the Naxal areas, and that helped. Because we humanised my character, the film showed his family at the end; in the original script there was no mention of the family.
While I was particularly happy with Newton, each time I complete a film I feel that I could have bettered my performance. That’s because I put all my life experiences into playing a role; but with the passage of time and after acquiring some new life experiences, I feel I could have done it differently. After shooting or after seeing the role on the big screen, one can spot mistakes in hindsight.
But the challenge of keeping my characters ‘real’ keeps me energised. I have many interesting forthcoming films including 83, a sports film that, like Newton, will require homework. If you were to ask me to explain my current popularity, I would attribute it to my human connect with the audience. People don’t treat me as an ‘actor’.
Last evening, I met a Rotary Club Chairperson and the moment we finished clicking photographs, she asked me for my phone number. Whoever meets me and clicks photographs alongside me or converses for a minute or two, feels relaxed enough to ask for my mobile number without any hesitation. I think they all feel I am one of them … which I am. I have kept my life simple. I have a connect with society and with my audience. Most importantly, there is honesty in my life, and that reflects in my performances. Your eyes can never fake either truth or innocence.
(Coordinated by Dinesh Raheja)
