“I don’t want to be a ‘tangdi kebab’!”

“I don’t want to be a ‘tangdi kebab’!”

FPJ BureauUpdated: Friday, May 31, 2019, 04:45 PM IST
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Objectification of women, fairness creams, son obsession and more… PRIYANKA CHOPRA goes all guns blazing after the ills that plague our society and women in particular.SHUBARNA MUKERJI SHU applauds!

Firstly, I am not a bra-burning feminist. I don’t hate men. I am well aware that we are a part of a civilization that is one of the oldest in the world. We are a country where, since eons, we have been told that ‘Agar ladkanahihogatohvanshaagenahibadhega’. Or worse – if your son doesn’t cremate you ‘aapkojannatnahimilegi!’ These beliefs, though one would be tempted to call them mere ideas, have been ingrained in us for generations – it will take many years, perhaps generations, to change that belief. There are loads of hindrances here, it is not easy to have a blanket philosophy preached in a country like ours where there are so many different kinds of cultures and languages (written and spoken) not to be mistaken with dialects. We live together under one nation, practicing myriad religions.

We are probably the only country where we are taught in school as children ‘Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Issai… Hum sabhhaibhaibhai!’ Where else in the world does this happen? Quite frankly, India is an anomaly and it is obviously extremely difficult to govern a country so diverse. It is actually shocking that we have been so secular and yet, safe and non-violent. We have our spurts of craziness but, given the circumstances, we should be killing each other!!! So clearly we have achieved something that’s unattainable by most in the world, yet while we have achieved this, there is a lot of wrong education that cannot be ignored or put on the back burner any longer. Our very mindset needs to be changed. The dichotomy of our nation is that we worship Goddesses, yet we have people who treat a girl-child as not just unwanted but worthless. What is truly saddening is the fact that it is not just in rural areas where we, as educated people, assume it is predominant but in affluent families. It is going to take a lot of conversation and a serious change of mindset for all this to change.

You talk about equality for women, I talk about education and change of conversation for women. We have to stop telling her to be pleasing everyone, in everything. We have got to stop telling her to only take care of her appearance, and not her body! In India, women are only supposed to be qualified to answer matrimonial ads that read ‘Wanted fair and lovely virgin!’ Fair skin fascination is something we suffer gladly. We all want fair skin, it is pleasing to our eyes. Mothers give their daughters SPF 150 (which doesn’t exist) when they are walking to college because ‘kaalihojayegi’, it doesn’t matter what they are studying, they shouldn’t tan! No matter how much and how we talk about it, we are aware it is wrong but we still make biases. I am dusky and extremely proud of it. I did a commercial once for a fairness cream because I didn’t understand the seriousness of the circumstances. I stopped after about a year. There are many who advertise for it because there is a demand for it. Question that demand – why do these creams sell so much?

The fact is that no cream can make you fairer, these creams are basically sunscreen with SPF, which brings your natural skin tone because UV rays go bonkers in India. So why aren’t these creams calling themselves sunscreens? Why is it that the brands need to say ‘fairness cream’ in this country otherwise the product doesn’t sell?!I know it because it happened to me. I expressed my concerns regarding advertising for a ‘fairness cream’, but after a year they came back to me and said ‘Sorry Priyanka, it has to be called a fairness cream else the product is not selling.’ There’s demand, people in this country all want to be fair, so there will be supply. I am saying this as a business minded person; if I had to talk ethically or as a feminist, I would say it is absolutely wrong, it is as bad as racism. We are judging people based on the colour of their skin! Are you telling me dark skin is not pretty?

I am dusky and proud, but I did grow up as an insecure teenager, knowing my relatives would go ‘kaali, kaali’ behind my back. It killed my self-confidence but, as I said for Indian women, it is all about pleasing people. If we are not trained to be pleasing, we are advised to shrivel and fade away in anonymity. If you see a girl laugh out loud, she will be questioned, ‘Itnedaantdikhakehansnewaalikyabaatthi?’ Despite how educated or knowledgeable the girl would be, if there has to be some business talk, the son of the house will see to it. It is okay if boys go out and do chichorapann. ‘Ladkiyonkochedddiya? That’s okay, boys will be boys!’ Frankly we are not in the position to judge anyone out here, if a woman is telling her daughter to be careful, and not directing her son the same way, it is the way of society.

Perhaps if we educate… We are a young nation. I am not asking for equality – that’s bohotdurrkibaat- I am asking to give women relevance. Women have a good mind, let them enjoy it. They have opinions too! The problem is, as soon as a woman has a place of authority or strong opinions, she is perceived as a threat or too fast or too loose. I am so fortunate that despite coming from a very conservative background, my parents told me to think on my own, the pros and cons of the decision I make, the consequences of things I do. I was treated as an adult. It was my decision to go to America when I was 12. If we all start letting our daughters be and getting our sons to behave…

Movies are often accused of objectifying women. If you tell me that filmmakers should stop making films on sex because it is affecting society, then why are these movies doing the most business? Why are people flocking to the theatres to watch it? Why is it in demand, if society finds it degrading? It is rather hypocritical, isn’t it? Yes, I am asking all the opposite questions but therein somewhere lies the answers too. For myself, I obviously don’t want to be a ‘tangdi kebab’ in a song, I don’t want to say ‘Come and eat me out’. As a woman, I would not want to be projected like that. But ours is a democracy, it is a personal choice to be a part of a song such as that. Whether such songs should be passed, that’s the Censor Board’s job. But if you are putting restrictions on films, there should be some on television, books, ads, paintings etc too! But then people who make headlines are always soft-targets. Yes, we need a change and we need it urgently. We don’t consider ourselves one; there is a lot of disparity within ourselves, our lives and our society, there are many Indias within India. There are places in India where they are still killing for dowry or ‘honour’…

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