Dear Priyanka Chopra,
We are here to discuss the grave charges laid out against Priyanka Chopra by the High Council of Woke Secular Allies Battling the CIS-HETERO-PATRIARCHY (HCWSABCHP).
We hope to enable swift justice the way we did for Milind Soman, the closet Sanghi who swam with the wolves as a child.
The charges against, you, Priyanka Chopra Jonas are grave and deeply problematic and include onscreen racism, internalised patriarchy and shaming feminism.
How dare you speak about George Floyd when you had the audacity to play a character who slept with a black man in a Madhur Bhandarkar movie? How dare you speak about black people being shot or killed while promoting racism through fairness creams?
To be fair, Fashion was Madhur Bhandarkar masterpiece, where the auteur showed that one can use the same script and plotline irrespective of where the movie is set - the fashion industry, Bollywood, a board room or even a traffic signal.
But this is not about the glorious parallels in the Madhur Bhandarkar Cinematic Universe but your character’s questionable reel-life choices.
Don’t you not know the role cinema plays in furthering stereotypes? True you faced a difficult life choice when forced to choose between Arbaaz Khan and an unnamed black drug trafficker. Even Salman Khan would've 'buck'led.
Do you have any right to lecture us on the moral arc of the universe when you unleashed salacious unsanskaari thoughts by playing an adulteress in Aitraaz? What right do you have to speak about murders after playing a serial killer in Saat Khoon Maaf?
How dare you lecture us on police brutality after appearing in Prakash Jha’s Jai Gangajaal, which not only killed the oppressed with wanton violence, but also ended the director’s career. You might as well turn up in the next instalment of Masti and then hold a session on intersectional feminism.
In your earlier avatar, you tried to mainstream North Indian Amit racism by looking like the most Punjabi Manipuri while playing Mary Kom, earning more money than Mary Kom ever did, showing that you’re a true ally of the cis-hetero-patriarchy.
You tried to showcase the evil side of Yindoo fundamentalists in Quantico, but by then it was too little, too late.
Deeply problematic real-life
Of course, it’s not just reel life where you, Priyanka Chopra Jonas have let the HCWSABCHP down.
First, you had the audacity to marry a white man and took a sledgehammer to feminism by adding your husband’s last name to yours.
Do you know how insulting it is to POCs to wed a white man, that too a man child which who is part of a band of brothers that has unleashed the terrors of pop rock on unsuspecting souls?
Your vacillating accent on late-night TV shows is a deeply problematic internalisation of the racist Apu voice, reducing the way Indians speak English to a performative art.
That’s not all, you even channelled your inner Gal Gadot to actually support the Indian Armed Forces when they carried out an alleged air strike on an alleged terror base which allegedly housed alleged extremists.
While all other facts pertaining to the Balakot air strike is alleged, what’s not alleged is that you, Priyanka Chopra Jonas are clearly are a warmongering, divisive supporter of the forces of Yindoo fascist patriarchy, which we all know is the greatest evil faced by mankind.
Thankfully, the HCWSABCHP’s battle to censure isn’t without allies.
While the forces of fascist Yindootva have gone largely unchecked, the HCWABCHP was helped by Human Rights Minister of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan who slammed your ‘jingoism and support for nuclear war’ and asked the UN to remove you as Goodwill Ambassador. Sadly, her call fell on deaf ears.
But just because the UN is now a Yindoo-fascist puppet doesn’t mean the HCWABSCHP has to follow suit. Therefore, by the powers vested to us by our Twitter fans, we hereby CANCEL you, Priyanka Chopra.
Read more Nonsensical Nemo columns.
Yours sincerely,
Ze Royal Majesty
Disclaimer: Views expressed are author’s own and frankly quite ludicrous at times.
Nirmalya Dutta is The Web Editor of The Free Press Journal.
