Ulta Pulta: Testing times for Indian dentistry

With dentists recommending root canal treatment even for a shaking tooth how can we ignore BJP leader Ram Madhav’s warning to Pakistan over the Uri attack, ‘for one tooth, the complete jaw’. Do we have enough jaws to cope with the situation, wonders V Gangadhar.  

Two dental surgeons had just completed a complicated surgical case, washed their hands thoroughly, dried them  and were discussing the case over hot cups of tea:

Dental Surgeon 1: O, this is all we need to have! Politics in our science and profession, I mean dentistry. Having made a mess of everything, why do they have to poke their noses in our profession. All we need is more lectures from the Prime Minister.

Dental Surgeon 2: what are you talking about? You can ask me again, not once but twice? Where is interference by anyone in our profession? We suggest some thousands of bucks for a simple root canal, they quietly open up and cough up the amount. This is a gold mine, man, and to think at the admission time I cried for not getting MBBS admission but only BDS.

I never thought dental problems will spread like Aids. And people were keeping quiet, but now things may change. The process may have already begun.

Dental Surgeon 1: Do you think so? Where, by who? Which politician? You know the Congress cannot shake us, Rajiv knows nothing about dentistry, and his mama is getting old.

As for the AAP. They are fighting with everyone and their big boss cannot talk much. The Marxists have disappeared, most of the Dravidian parties never visit the dentist, do not open their mouths and stink when they do so. Ths Samajwadis are fighting all the time, breaking their teeth in the process. And what is the new quarrel among, politicians which threaten us.

Dental surgeon 2: You forgot the ruling BJP, the most powerful party and its ruler, its brain trust RSS. They may have different concepts on our profession, fee structure and so on. Of course most of the heavy professionals including doctors and surgeons are with us.

I don’t see any danger from the medically inclined and if some of them are incompetent in their work, the PM can tackle them. Anyway, the likes of Modi and his cabinet colleagues never come near government hospitals or get treated by ordinary hospitals. So why do we worry?

Dental Surgeon 1: Have you forgotten the brains behind the medical profession, the brains and so on? Haven’t you heard of the 3-letter word RSS? Some of the guys in it are making dangerous statements about dangers from Pakistan.It can affect our profession. One of them, an MP, Ram Madhav has prominent white teeth which are seen clearly when he smiles! You know what he said about dealing with Pakistan? If we lose one tooth in a Pak attack we shall retaliate knocking down their jaw.

Dental Surgeon 2: A tooth for a tooth, that’s okay! But a jaw for a tooth! That is dangerous and will go against us in any international debate and swing world opinion. And affect our trade with Asian nations. You see, China is the largest manufacturer and exporter of dental surgical equipment.

This Ram Madhav does not know what he is talking about. What if in a future conflict, the Pak soldiers break some 2m teeth and our much acclaimed crack troops inspired by Arnab Goswami and others in retaliation, break 20 m jaws in retaliation? Who will benefit? Where will the Pak army obtain replacement jaws in large numbers? From China only and their industry will benefit to several crores (I know the brainless RSS will do something foolish and I invested a fortune in buying thousands of their shares? Do you want some thousands?) We can start our own clinics and factories while these two Johnnies break their teeth and jaws!

(V Gangadhar writes satire, a special form of humour. Incidents and anecdotes in his column are purely imaginary)

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