Ulta Pulta: All that burns bright is not Bombay IIT

Want to find out how good or bad an educational institute really is? Conduct an objective internal assessment which could reveal some startling facts, says V Gangadhar. 

Call it a survey, a public interest poll, popularity contests and what not, colleges are coming out with all kinds of surveys which are internal looking and reveals all including warts et. al. What do you call these? Psychological clean-up? Looking inwards? Freud will be delighted at these developments and so would former HRD Minister, Smriri Irani who was ready to launch a series of soul-searching measures starting with the HRD top brass. Before this could be implemented, Irani lost her HRD post and her new Textiles Ministry had no scope for soul searching or self analysis.

But this was not enough for the research-oriented brains at the Textiles ministry; after all, the minister had come from the HRD which was blossoming out with ideas many of which could be used in the Textiles ministry. Summoning everyone from the faculty and students, Irani ordered them for a series of internal revelations to study the basic issues ad come out with solutions. Divided into groups, the students discussed the tricky issues which could make or mar their future

A big room in the IIT campus with tables, chairs and laptops. Students six per batch are seated around tables with sheets in front of them. They all look serious and set for serious discussions. Let us study how these groups function

Senior student: Our surveys were of a high standard and self revealing keeping up with usual high standards. Let me ask something why do all of you keep your noses and mouths shut? There is no epidemic threat like dengue or malaria. Lets us let in some fresh air in here. (goes to open the windows)

(Chorus in the class): No sir, let windows remain closed. Otherwise there is cross ventilation, we are around 300 students in the hall.

Editor of campus magazine: Let us go deep into this. How many of you take regular baths?

(embarrassed silence). Then a voice speaks up.

Voice: About 10 per cent. During the water cuts, even less. We have to study late, then get up early, bathing depends on water availability. Normally we bathe every two or three days. We have so much to do sir that we do not have time for essentials like baths and so on. Weekly twice baths, one bottle of deodorant.

A Dean: What about relations?

Student: Mostly they are in native place. They don’t like big city like Mumbai, but we manage.

Dean: Any entertainment? Like Dates?

Student: Not bad. Some dates are too sweet. Those from Arabia are too sweet, but we have them as Prasad.

Another Dean: Sir, for them a ‘date’ is something different, not what it means to us. Okay how many would like to go abroad?

Student: (after a quick head count) Sir about, 20 per cent or so, another 20 per cent can work in Bihar or UP.

Dean: Would you marry an Indian girl or a foreign one?

Student: Depends on how much she brings. Will be nice to settle down as ‘ghar jamai’. That will be okay to many girls from India, they like patni seva.

Student: There is nothing like India and if Modiji settles down here it will be icing on the cake that is bakri oopar makhan.

(V Gangadhar write satire, a special form of homour. Incidents and anecdotes in his column are purely imaginary)

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