Mother's Day 2022: 'The child cannot be everything in your life, private space is essential', says Kalki Koechlin

This Mother’s Day, Kalki shares how motherhood changed her life, battling postpartum depression, and more.

Oshin FernandesUpdated: Sunday, May 08, 2022, 08:51 AM IST
article-image

Kalki Koechlin, who embraced motherhood in 2020, describes herself as a “worrying hands-on mama." The actress isn't shying away from stating that she, like any mother out there, is struggling to find the balance between nurturing her child as well as her own needs, both creative and professional.

This Mother’s Day, Kalki shares how motherhood changed her life, battling postpartum depression, and more.

Kalki welcomed her daughter Sappho with her boyfriend Guy Hershberg. She says, “It was unplanned and the best surprise ever.” The ‘Sacred Games’ actress opted for water birth. Explaining why she didn’t go for the traditional method, Kalki says, “It helps in dilation, alleviate pain in labour, and reduces the length of postpartum recovery because the body is going through a natural process and is quicker to heal, also the baby is less traumatised by the birth because she has been in amniotic fluid for nine months, the water is a smoother transition out of the womb.”

The actress, who was mercilessly trolled for having a child sans wedlock, says, “Trolls are there to keep it real. You can’t please everybody and there’s always got to be some criticism in a healthy society. However, when it gets violent or intolerable, it’s important to draw a boundary, there’s a very powerful tool in all our hands, it’s called airplane mode, sometimes you just have to switch off from social media and focus on the present surroundings.”

According to Kalki, in order to have a child without marriage, it is important to know how much your partner is going to be involved from the start, and who your support system is going to be, because raising children should not have to be one person’s full-time job. She says it is paramount to ask questions like “Can you afford help? Do you have extended family or friends who can move in to help? Do you and your partner agree on ideological basics like what kind of education, belief system, and ethics you want to bring up the child with?” These are all things to consider and discuss beforehand.

Kalki had previously admitted that she battled postpartum depression (PPD). She shares, “It’s really tough in the first few months because your sleep cycle is gone, especially if you’re exclusively breastfeeding as I was. I felt constantly tired and like I had constant unfinished business both mentally and physically around me, everything was left half done and it felt like it would never change. But it does change and surrounding yourself with people who remind you and emancipate that change is essential to beat PPD, getting help, physically, and emotionally is really important. Also, there are basic biological or hormonal issues so it’s important to share with your doctor, I found out I had a severe iron deficiency through some simple blood tests, and working on my diet and supplements made a huge difference to my energy levels.”

That being said, the ’Gully Boy’ actress maintains that as a mother, finding the balance is a beautiful journey because you tend to understand who you are when you are stripped of your accolades, social life, and achievements. She says, “Motherhood is a real leveller in that sense. It makes you look inside yourself for the meaning of your life, and you figure out what is most important to you. Because you’re so busy with a child, you only really pick the things that matter most, and focus on getting those things back on track.”

Kalki, who also wrote a book titled 'Elephant in the Womb', which traced her personal experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, says that the toughest part of being a mom is that you will always feel the anxiety and fear regarding the well-being of your child. “It is terrifying, like having your heart outside of your body, and knowing you have no control over another human being beyond a point,” she says.

The actress who continues to fulfill her professional commitments agrees that as a mom she does feel guilty to leave her child and go to work. She says it’s difficult because “they’re cure and manipulative.” (laughs) However, she states that time apart from your little one is essential and healthy since both (mother and child) need to grow as individuals. “Whether you work or do something else, closing the door in order to have some private space, it’s essential, the child cannot be everything in your life,” says Kalki, who turned brand ambassador for Haus & Kinder.

Speaking about her association with the brand, Kalki states, "I'm very excited to be a part of Haus & Kinder. The brand offers quality products in beautiful designs. I am thrilled to work with a brand that understands the modern mums, their passion, intellect, opinions, choices and encourages easy parenting."

Kalki was born to French parents, and grew up in Tamil Nadu. She’s always been vocal about being stereotyped as a “white girl” in India, something that worries her at times in the case of her daughter Sappho. Yet, she believes, “We live in a global community and people like me are no longer the exception, we have mixed backgrounds all around us and I embrace all the different cultural influences that Sappho is exposed to, it will only make her more open and flexible to life’s changes.”

Kalki, who will be seen in the web series ‘Made In Heaven’ season 2 says that ever since she became a mom, her approach towards work has changed, and it has made her more conscious about the kind of projects she signs up for. “I don’t take up everything that comes my way for the sake of working, I think about the balance of home and work life. No doubt the financial responsibility is greater, but working just for money doesn’t make sense to me now, if I’m away from my kid it’s got to be making me happy or helping me grow. Also ironically, even though I’m more busy handling motherhood and time is precious, I want to spend more time on my projects too, not do rapid stints but things that require investment and thought and practice because having a kid makes you value the process, not the outcome,” concludes the actress.

(To receive our E-paper on whatsapp daily, please click here. To receive it on Telegram, please click here. We permit sharing of the paper's PDF on WhatsApp and other social media platforms.)

RECENT STORIES

Prostitution racket busted in lodge at Kashimira, 3 held

Prostitution racket busted in lodge at Kashimira, 3 held

Maharashtra govt may impose fresh COVID-19 restrictions if cases surge

Maharashtra govt may impose fresh COVID-19 restrictions if cases surge

NSE co-location: CBI Court dismisses default bail pleas of Chitra Ramkrishna, Anand Subramanian

NSE co-location: CBI Court dismisses default bail pleas of Chitra Ramkrishna, Anand Subramanian

Basketball: Jayesh Mevada impresses in Nagpur Blaster’s victory

Basketball: Jayesh Mevada impresses in Nagpur Blaster’s victory

Mira Bhayander: MBVV cops nab Kerala-based cyber-crook for investment and loan fraud

Mira Bhayander: MBVV cops nab Kerala-based cyber-crook for investment and loan fraud