Before we raise brows with our judgemental arcs, welcome to the new India, where women are tapping into the idea of dating men half their age. This however, doesn’t necessarily involve marriage. Sounds wild right? But isn’t Bollywood a trendsetter that is known to break stereotypes.
Earlier, an older woman who dated a younger guy used to be known as a “cougar”—an animal who preys on younger, supposedly more innocent men. I bet, many Indian moms would still think of a similar name.
There are many perks of having a partner, who looks attractive and acts younger, which makes women in their 40s also feel young. Our leading ladies who are way ahead in the dating arena in 2019 are- Sushmita Sen and Malaika Arora. But the two aren’t the ones to break the ice. Former Miss World, Priyanka Chopra who married Nick Jonas in 2018, is 10 years older than her husband. While both mentioned their age gap only once in the media, a source told People that “The age difference is not a big deal to them whatsoever. Nick loves dating older women, and if anything it makes Priyanka even more attractive to him. He obviously thinks she’s beautiful, but he’s also drawn to her intelligence.” The source added, “She has this charisma and energy that draws you to her, and she’s fit in so well with his friends and family.”
Even before Chopra, Saif Ali Khan’s ex-wife Amrita Singh was probably the pioneer of this trend on the Bollywood front. In an interview with Simi Garewal, Saif was asked what he said to Amrita that left her impressed with him, to which he recalled saying, “I told her, there must be a gentler side of you which you’re trying to protect with this harsh exterior.” Aren’t words like these that bring in a sense on understanding on the part of a man who looks up to an older woman?
According to Psychology Today, when an older woman dates a younger man, it may be easier for both to find the emotionally rewarding experience they are looking for. Younger men see these women similar to their mothers and older sisters who have a rigid say, make good decisions, and are mature for any comforting conversations. However, for the woman in this bond, she can be what she has always been with a man who understands her power. A successful woman wouldn’t be happy being submissive, as it goes against her identity.
Former Miss Universe Sushmita has never been married, is dating model Rohman Shawl, Malaika was married to Arbaaz Khan for seventeen years called it quits, and is now seen with actor Arjun Kapoor.
Recently, Kapoor was asked by Filmfare on his relationship status and he said, “We’re not doing anything wrong. I don’t want that story being conveyed that we’re still hiding, when we’re not. They understood that.”
The number of headlines that surround their relationships, emphasises on the fact that they are older than their significant others. We know they’re content with their decisions, but the media trial is ruthless enough to rip off something that is solely subjective. Let’s understand why they prefer men who are younger and why it is completely acceptable regardless of an era. These women are the alphas of their own world, who live by their own rules. Malaika and Sushmita in this case fit in as a perfect example.
According to Swipe Life, Jillian Turecki, a New York-based relationship expert says that “Women often believe that these younger guys will be immature, or not far enough along in their careers or personal development.” These are some of the insecurities that many women tend to look at, but when discounted to understand what’s beyond, that’s when the fun part begins. Reports also suggest that younger men these days are quicker to commit than older ones, who don’t know if they’re ready for anything serious yet (if unmarried). Another advantage is better sex. The younger lot tends to have higher sex drives which is the case with women in their 40s. These men are willing to experiment and spice things up in bed which is a bonus point.
The feminist wave in India hasn’t reached its peak, but we’re getting there. Women who break barriers have always been considered intimidating and a threat to the long laid values of what many call ‘cultural appropriation”. The same society has witnessed history of older men marrying younger women. Reasons to be the same as above- good sex, feel young and powerful. So why not the other way around? Women dating younger men is a result of women empowerment. Does it still seem wrong? Let’s put it in simple terms. Today we have women in almost all fields of work, these are the ones leading men. They are coming up close and personal in identifying themselves, their calibre, their capabilities and the urge to feel liberated. For all we know, some love this new kind, others cannot handle it very well.
To sum it up, it is hard to argue with happiness. As individuals and as a society, we should be able to digest the fact that a person doesn’t need permission or rule book to follow the path that leads to love. If we truly go by age is just a number, it is much more. These women are building their relationship based on a bigger connection, and are embracing it out and aloud. They choose to truly love and be loved. Period.
