Agony Aunty deals with questions on personal relationships

Withdrawal symptoms

I’m worried about my daughter. She is a 20-year old, and has just completed her graduation. Lately she has gotten really quiet. From being a socially active girl, she has gone to recoiling in her bedroom. She would be peeled to her phone, always talking, cheerful and energetic. While her classmates have been taking entrance exams, I find my daughter completely lethargic, bored, and unmotivated to do anything. She eats all the time, and walks around the house, or stays in her room. I can’t figure out what is happening to her – I’ve tried talking but she won’t tell me anything. We used to be close, now I find her pulling away. What is wrong with my daughter?

 Probably there is something that is bothering her on her mind and that she wants you to help her but at the same time she is feeling uncertain to share the matter with you. This is common amongst the teenagers as though they feel there they have to deal with most difficult phase of life, but what will my parent’s think of me is always on their mind. What she may need is an unconditional acceptance from your end that will ease her and get her comfortable to talk what’s bothering her. If you have always been a sort of a parent who has constantly corrected her, then she may feel you do not accept her the way she is and hence that makes her resist in sharing things with you. If you think she wouldn’t mind then ask her close friends if there is something that’s bothering her or even invite them over so that she gets a way of socializing at home, which could give her a fresh start.

Feeling left-out

I am a 19-year old girl, and I feel like I’m still in that early teenage phase, where I constantly feel like I don’t belong. I often feel like people aren’t paying attention to me, they don’t listen when I talk, or are distracted in my company. I find myself irritated most of the time, and fly into an angry fit if things don’t go my way. I do realize later, that I’m being silly, but in that moment, I feel like I don’t have any control over what I am doing. I have even thought about committing suicide a couple of times, but haven’t really acted upon it – I want to live, I just want to grow up! What is happening to me? Is it the hormones?

This sounds more like personality problem than mere hormones. You are probably not able to have rational thoughts about yourself and you need to work on few aspects of yourself image. If you genuinely want to change then meet a psychologist, who will help you to work on your irrational thoughts, of which you have good insight into and bring a good change with your inner outlook f self. For instance everyone should love you is a complete irrational thought, as you have right to dislike few people because they do not match up to your expectations, they too have the similar rights and thus there can be few people who do not like few things about you, but you need to be accepting of yourself first and then expect the same from others. Begin by loving yourself and having your rational perspective towards life and self.

Do I have OCD?

I have always been an organized person – since school, my books would be neatly covered in brown paper; my clothes are arranged according to colour; my shoes according to occasion. Previously it didn’t bother me how others lived or used their things. However lately, if I find that my kids haven’t immediately washed out a used mug, or the helper hasn’t arranged the utensils according to size, or my husband messes with the order of the toiletries, I get extremely uncomfortable, often angry. I keep staring at the object out of order, imagine it in the “correct” position, but don’t feel comfortable unless it has been put in the right place. I’ve been reading up about this, and think I have OCD. However, some of the descriptions on the internet are rather dramatic. Moreover, I wanted an expert’s opinion on my case. Do I have a psychological disorder?

There are two kinds of disorder that may reflect your symptoms from what you describe them as. One is yes OCD as you mentioned, that stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or it can be Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorders(OCPD). You need to meet a psychiatrist or a psychologist who can give more crisp diagnoses based of other several factors like since when do you experience this, or what happens when things aren’t organized the way you want them to be or even how bad do you think it can get. Depending on your diagnosis your treatment can be designed and they can help you beat this habit off, so that you deserve to live peacefully rather than work yourself up with compulsive things to do.

Seeking parents’ approval

I am a 20 year guy. I am dating a girl since 3 years. I see my future with her and she motivates me to do better and be a better person in general. My parents do not know about our relationship. They feel she is a distraction and constantly ask me to keep distance from her.  How do I explain the situation to my parents without hurting them?

What you need is a difficult approval, because as a parent however health your relationship would be it always look like you are distracted and not giving fair chance to your studies or life. Empathies with them and stay patient, help them to understand the benefits of your relationship. If they see their son improve for good they will not mind and won’t be against your relationship, but until they understand this set good examples for them to notice the positive change in you.

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