Agony Aunt suggests easy ways to get over a relationship break-up

The ‘break-up’ call

I recently went and confessed my feelings to a classmate of mine. He is really very sweet and understanding. He reciprocated the feelings and we started dating. One week into dating and he started drifting apart saying that he doesn’t think he is ready for a relationship. I decided to take a higher road and let him off the hook by breaking up. However, now that reality has hit me, I am feeling miserable. Please help!

Ans: Often the reality seems different than our imagination and the conflict emerges when it doesn’t bode well for us. In your case, you took the higher road as somewhere you might have realized that there isn’t much that you can do in the given scenario as it is another individual’s decision. However, emotionally when things have sunk in for you, the pain has also become apparent. Hurt due to heartbreak might take for you to feel better and what can help is not going back to questioning self as to what could have been done differently and chastise yourself. This will deter your thinking from being unhelpful.

Woes of being elder

I have a brother who is merely 13 months younger to me. I have always been made to feel different, because of this close age gap. My parents knowingly or unknowingly have made it apparent that when it comes to mischief or fights, I am an older brother and that I have to be understanding of the fact that I have to set an example for my younger brother. I can’t understand that when he can do all those things which I can in terms of partying and socializing, why he gets a different treatment when it comes to take responsibilities.

Ans: I hear your concern being different approaches adopted by your parents for both you and your brother which is raising numerous questions in your mind. The way around this could be you approaching them and explaining them exactly how their behaviour affects you rather than pinpointing their fault in treating you differently. You are hurt by how they behave with you so targeting that might give answers than targeting and being upset with your parents and developing dislike towards them and also your brother to certain degree.

Growing-up & guilty

I am a 12-year-old boy living with my parents and grandparents. I broke my parent’s trust last week by going out with my friends and smoking a cigarette. All my friends smoke occasionally and since they were coaxing me to do so for quite some time, I gave in this time. I wanted to experiment but knew my parents would never allow this. I am feeling very guilty.

Ans: The guilt you are experiencing shows that even though you wished to experiment you knew that your parents will be hurt on knowing about it. This guilt requires talking about the action with your parents without the fear of being punished harshly. The trust bond will strengthen only when parents know that you will come to them and speak about your worries than trying various ways to hide them. Your urge to experiment if expressed as it is will help you in making them understand that you are less likely to go down that path again.

In love with teacher

I enrolled myself for an MBA program last summer. This semester we have a new faculty member and I find her very attractive. She is 29 years old and I am 27. We both have has several work-related conversations and she is very smart. I have hinted her towards me liking her, but she has maintained her distance. I am not sure how to pursue this as I finish the course soon and will be free of the student-professor relationship. Should I approach her now while the course is ongoing?

Ans: The equation you and the faculty member have is quite complex as you know about your feelings and also your limitations that this equation brings in. However, the way she feels about you or whether it is the professional limitation that is binding her still remains unknown. Once you finish the course, maybe speaking to her on a neutral ground would bring more clarity to you about there being any potential in you pursuing the relationship. Knowing where she stands in terms of feeling towards you is essential. This clarification will also prevent you from further investing in your feelings before knowing the entire story.

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