Empty nest syndrome
I am a 52 year-old housewife, and have dedicated the last 28 years of my life to taking care of the house and my family. Over the last two years, all three of my kids have moved out for further education and work, leaving me and my husband in our huge apartment. My husband continues to work every day, and I find myself feeling incredibly lonely and lost at home. I walk aimlessly around the house all day, and have lost all interest in the daily activities which I would previously enjoy. My friends suggest I should take up some work, but I fear I won’t be offered anything at my age. Moreover, I’m not sure I want to take up something now. What should I do?
Ans: you seem to be slipping into loneliness, and you need to bring meaning to your life. If each day you are passing aimlessly you are bound to feel low as there is no sense of achievement or things to look up to. You can began with developing a passion or a hobby and follow your heart by doing something you enjoy, even if initially you feel the lack of interest you may develop the interest eventually. This way you will gain confidence and be able to stay busy too. You can even take up work; any non-profitable organization will be keen on getting you on board for help. You will feel extremely fulfilled by helping the underprivileged. If you do well for long period of time with them you can even think of starting a small scale business from home.
Decisions galore
I have recently completed my 12th board exams and am completely clueless about what I should do next. While singing is my passion, I don’t think I want to make a career out of a hobby. My father runs a real estate firm and ropes in some of the most prestigious clients. He has asked me to join his firm often, but land deals and numbers are not my thing. Furthermore, I don’t think I want to make money off other people’s transactions. I have been given a deadline of two months by my father, to come up with an answer on what I want to do, and where I would like to apply. Failing this, he commands I should join his firm, with a namesake B. Com degree. How can I figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life in two months?
Ans: This decision is an important one, you cannot possible know what you would like to do in months. There are tools to help you decide what your strengths and weaknesses are based on which you can make an informed decision. There are various career counsellors who can give you an aptitude test which will help you narrow down your choices. Singing is your passion as you say, so don’t disregard it completely.
Not ready to tie the knot
I am a 33 year-old unmarried woman and enjoy spending my time painting. My family is after me to get me married; however, I don’t think I am ready yet. I have been for meetings with several men, but have never found a match. My family is disappointed in me, and refuses to support me in any way. I feel like a burden in my own house, which is why I have turned towards painting. While this is a very rewarding hobby, I am still extremely unhappy. What can I do?
Ans: If you are fine with not getting married at the moment and do not mind taking your time in finding the right man, then that is what matters the most. Even if your family wishes to see you settled soon, they would want you to be happy first. If you are happy being by yourself then you should try and talk it out with them on giving you some more time and explaining to them assertively that you are happy the way you are and do not feel the need to be with someone to make you happy at the moment. As far as your hobby of painting is concerned, it is a good medium to channelize your energy and expressing yourself. Try to focus on your work and spend some time painting as well since it makes you happy, at the same time, be positive and do not give up on your search for the right person for you.
Meeting son’s exorbitant demands
I am a 63 year-old retired banker, father of two children. While my younger son has completed his education from the US and is married and well settled, my older son is absolutely useless. He spends all his time wandering about and makes no contribution in the house, whatsoever – not financial, or otherwise. He has become a huge liability to me, and a large chunk of my pension goes towards his unnecessary expenses. I have tried to knock some sense into him multiple times, but it has all been rather fruitless. I am at my wit’s end, and don’t know what to do with him. Please. Help!
Ans: It looks like your older son has no motivation to work and has not yet found out where his interest lies. You may ask him to go for a holistic aptitude test which will tell you about his capabilities, interest and personality. By doing this, he will be aware of his strengths and weaknesses as well and can then be asked to see a career counsellor to guide him in what he could do with his future. The counsellor will help to motivate him and help him choose the best path. Moreover, with the expert advice and guidance of the counsellor, an objective viewpoint can be obtained about your situation; and your son maybe explained assertively about your predicament as a father and his responsibilities as a son.
