Coming to terms with one’s sexuality
I am 20 year old and I think I am gay, and I hate myself for that. I have been trying to be with a girl since the time my sexual maturity, but ever since I never felt very attracted to them and I instead ended up feeling worse about myself after every break up. Last year I went to another state for an experience of a summer job, and there I ended up having sex with a boy and I can’t seem to get over it. I have never felt so comfortable like I did with him, but I am trying very hard in my mind to kill my thoughts about this, I feel hopeless. My parents aren’t very educated about this and how do I even share this with them. They will reject me, the society will reject me and I can’t think of any way other way than killing myself to get rid of this horrible feeling. What should I do?
Ans: Your problem is very simple, but you are feeling very overwhelmed with the situation and hence feeling very bad about yourself. You are trying to upset with a trait that you imbibe, without understanding that this is something which is not in your control and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself for the same. It will be like you are cursing yourself of being dark skinned or having curly hair, that would be unfair for you to feel bad about, as it is something you are born with. It will better if you just accept the fact, because if you are so upset about it and feeling disgraceful how do you expect others to respect you for the same. It’s a discovery which is life changing, true, however instead of thinking negative, and in productive ways to cope with this, begin to about what steps are required for you to feel better. Doing away with yourself will only leave everyone hurtful, they would rather accept you as a gay than to lose you. May be your parents aren’t aware of the whole concept but you can be patient and explain them, they may take time but they love you and will gradually accept you. when it comes to society, if you have all your loved ones supportive of you, you should be feeling accepted and loved and not mind of few people who aren’t very open to such ideas, its fair enough as not everyone has to have similar belief system. Seek professional help if required.
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Being the perfect role model
I am a 19 year old girl studying in college. I come from a well off family but my parents fight a lot. They have been fighting ever since I was a child and it hasn’t stopped. I have lost respect for my parents I don’t feel guilty when I talk to them rudely or scream at them. Now, my younger brother has also started talking to them, as well as me in that manner. Looking at him becoming a rude person and an insensitive boy has really affected me and I want to stop him from getting worse, but I don’t know what to do as he refuses to listen to anyone, and he back answers saying that I do same. Please help me as I don’t know what to do?
Ans: For children, elders are the role models especially their parents and every parent wishes the best for their children so they would never intentionally do things knowing that it’s going to affect the child, they might have unknowingly harmed your attitude in the house. Since you are now old enough to understand this and you know that your parents fighting has shaped you as a disrespectful person towards, you are capable of two changes that you can bring in your life. One is that you can now stop blaming your parents for your rude behaviour as you are old enough to reason out what is more acceptable reaction for a better relationship and second you can be a better role model for your younger brother and repeat the same mistake that your parents made. As you are aware that the hostile environment in the house is letting your brother’s attitude shape into something that is a reflection of aggressive behaviour, try to remain calm and change yourself and become more tolerant of others at home, by thinking to yourself that you too need changes in terms of talking respectfully. Try to explain this to your brother too, that just because you belong to a family that is aggressive in the way everyone reacts it’s not necessary that he learn the same, as it’s not going to be of any help rather just mess his relationships further. Speak to some other elder in the family, with whom your brother will confined and listen to. As you will show changes in yourself and when you realize this change is bringing benefits to you, you will set a good example for him to change as well.
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Feeling alienated
I am a 14 year old girl and I recently transferred to an ICSE school from an SSC school. The students in my class speak near perfect English while mine is very weak. As a result, I have often been ridiculed for it and this has made me very self conscious about the way I talk. I think twice before opening my mouth and most of the time I would stay quiet. Because of this, I don’t have any friends and refuse to call my classmates if I miss a day of school or have any doubt about homework. Please help me as I am losing confidence in myself and am feeling very lonely. What should I do?
Ans: You have a weakness and that is something you aware of and you know if you overcome this weakness you will be very confident in yourself presentation. So begin working on this aspect instead of complaining and even if you develop a habit to recite, good correct English it will be beneficial for you even in the long run. Yes initially you are going to face some problems that can be very disturbing in terms of yourself, however you need to stay strong and fight this hurdle from your life and show the world you can change for good and be at par, think long term. When you will learn with them the way they speak fluent English you will be better off and feel the same worth as them. Another way is instead of looking down at yourself, when the joke about it you know what they are saying is true, you aren’t fluent at English language as they are so be it and you laugh along. Be a positive spirit who can take jokes on self and make people like you with being a light hearted person and lively to speak to, who wouldn’t mind some jokes on self. People may do it more initially, and gradually the joke will become stale and they will forget and it will all fade off., but in the bargain you got to be someone who is fun to be with and everyone will want to be friends with you.
