Agony Aunt: I am always getting in trouble for co-worker’s issues. Feeling frustrated

Agony Aunt: I am always getting in trouble for co-worker’s issues. Feeling frustrated

I’m suffering at work because a colleague constantly takes time off.

Dr Anjali ChhabriaUpdated: Saturday, July 13, 2019, 12:21 PM IST
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Co-worker troubles

I’m suffering at work because a colleague constantly takes time off. I’m the one who gets it in the neck from our boss when she calls in sick. He makes sarcastic comments about “Your friend is never here. Your girls these days just keep letting us down.” I’m getting really demotivated and frustrated with his attitude and always getting in trouble for my co-worker’s issues. What should I do?

Your boss seems to have a generic view towards you and your colleague probably stemming from his previous experiences with incompetence. In the process you are getting caught in the crossfire which seems to be unfair. Have a conversation with your boss, wherein you express your concerns with respect to his behaviour towards you, so that he is mindful about his actions. The aim of this conversation is to establish a better relationship at work so that you are emotionally settled.

Family life and work failures

I have noticed that lately I worry about everything. My grandmother is in the hospital and I’m worried that she won’t getter better. My parents are always fighting and I don’t know if their marriage is going to survive. I’m worried I’m going to wake up tomorrow and all my friends will stop being my friends because of my busy work schedule. My work is anyways getting affected due to all this worrying and stress. I feel my boss thinks I’m incompetent and don’t work hard enough. To change this, I have been doing extra work and working late all week, but I feel he still doesn’t see the effort I’m putting in. I’m getting nightmares about being a failure. What should I do?

There are a lot of factors that are causing stress for you and they are all important aspects of your life. You are also seen overcompensating in your work area possibly because it gives you some escape from this daily stress. However, as a solution, you can opt for seeking counselling for a while until the stressors in your environment subside and you get a better hold on your reactions to stressful situations. Your response to stress and anxiety is important as that sets off the thought process. In therapy you will learn how to respond appropriately to such situations.

Love and the ‘lochas’

I have been working at this new company for two years and recently fallen in love with a colleague of mine. It is forbidden to date co-workers at our company. I really don’t know what to do. My job is very important to me but I’m afraid if I leave him, he will go back to his ex-girlfriend.  I’m hard working and I have built my rapport with this company. I might even get promoted soon. I don’t know if the stress of sneaking around is worth it. But my relation with this colleague is also important. I don’t know what to do. Please help!

First thing to understand here is that how secure you feel in this relationship. You mentioned that he might go back to his ex if you leave him; this somewhere indicates you being unsure as well. The call has to be made mutually here as both of you are at equal risk of facing consequences at work if your relationship is exposed. Thus, take a mutual call about the continuation of the relationship as it will help feel more decisive and not due to undue pressure of work or ex-girlfriend in the picture.

Back talkers

I am troubled by two female colleagues of mine. They talk about me behind my back (I know because I walked past one of their desks one day and saw a comment about me in an instant chat box they use to talk during working hours). One of them is responsible for office admin and has left me off of important internal emails and meeting invitations, as well as doing petty things like not delivering my post (whereas she will to everyone else in the office). The other, who works in the same role as me, ignores me completely in any professional context and will talk over me if I speak in a meeting. It’s been going on since I joined the firm six months ago. I just want to get on with my job but get so distracted and worked up by their whispers, and feel utterly paranoid and confused. Can I do anything?

To begin with, since it is hampering your daily routine and your mental well being, it would be a good idea to have a conversation with your HR about this issue. An unhealthy work environment not only affects your work but also your satisfaction at work. It would also be a good idea to confront your colleagues and try to find out where their hatred towards you is stemming from, with this you would also get a clearer picture of whether they actually have those feelings of hatred towards you, or, is it you over evaluating the conversation that you overheard. Moreover, your if your attempt is for everyone to like you, then it could lead to some disappointment, as everyone functions from a different space of liking others. Thus, focus on work and forming relationships that also reciprocate in order to feel more settled at work

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