Agony Aunt helps you to deal with the problems in relationships

Dominating wife

I am a 40 year old man married for the past 15 years. Lately, I realised that my wife likes to dominate me in bed and this is bothering me. She is not experimental and very close minded. She wants us to have sex her way and this makes it difficult for me to reach out to her and explain that  I  am not comfortable with her dominating nature. This also ruins our sex life as I enjoy sex and at the moment it is the cause of my stress. I want to enjoy a healthy sex life and not fight with my wife over this every day. Please help me.

Ans: Openness in communication plays a pivotal role in any relationship. Initiate a conversation with your wife and have a healthy discussion about your wants, about her inhibitions, the way you feel when your wife dominates you and how that is affecting other areas of your life. You may ask her to research on different ways to enjoy your sex life or discuss your ideas with her; and mutually try out things that both are comfortable with. Unless you communicate, the message will not reach her and if you keep it bottled inside you then it can affect your relationship, so it is important for you to speak to her as soon as possible. You can also try going to a different location and probably take a holiday to unwind yourselves. She may also need a change and probably by spending more quality time with each other you would be able to understand each other much better.

Living in fear

I had a seizure a few years ago and after that I resumed my normal life. However, a lot of things have changed since that day. All my reports are normal, but I continuously have the fear of having the seizure again.  I fear staying alone in the house and I cannot do my daily chores without thinking about the probability of having a seizure again.  My wife also finds it difficult to live with me because I constantly live in fear and now I have lost interest in sex too. My life has been ruined ever since that day, though I am physically and medically healthy.

Ans: It is important that you live in the present and not constantly think about the past. You have overcome a big event and have been given a second chance. Therefore it is important to appreciate and use that opportunity by enjoying your life. By constantly thinking that your past will repeat is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. It is important that you relax and take baby steps towards progress. Try avoid being in high stress situations and keep calm.

In the wrong company

My son is 18 years old. He is really handsome and has many friends. However, I do not think that he has the right kind of friends. I tell him this often, but he does not understand and often fights with me. Previously, he used to share his secrets and grievances with me, but off late he does not talk to me at all. We just have brief conversations and there is nothing more as he is always with his gadgets. I fear my son is going away from me and I do not want to lose him. I do not want to be a strict mother, but I also want him to go the right way. Please help.

Ans: He is a young growing adult and yes he may want all the space he would hope for but your motherly concerns may interfere with his freedom. but it will be like trying to hold dry sand in your fist, the tighter your hold the more sand tends to slip out, and hence the best workable solution would be to show him the right direction as his guardian but then leave the choice of his actions to him, as this will not only make him more responsible but also close to you as he will no longer feel that you are opposing his decision. if you deny his friends or try to force your opinion on him you are being judgmental and that is not a child would except a parent to be no matter how grown the child is they want their parent to love them unconditionally, your judging of his friends is making him feel inefficient in front of you, and hence he may now refrain from sharing anything with you. rather you be more accepting, but you have the right to opinion so you share your fling with him but then leave it to that, avoid enforcing your perception onto him. If he makes a wrong decision, it will only be harming him emotionally, but some things are learnt with natural consequence, and making friends is one such thing. you cant expect yourself to help him make right relationships life long, so let him learn now then later.  keep open mind and just give him a listening ear, connect with him again by just asking him to spend good time with you and stop questioning him often, or that will create more distance, at least this way he will come and share everything with you so you are aware of his life.

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