Forced relationship
I’m a 26-year-old girl from Mumbai who got married almost a year ago. Our marriage was based on purely family connections and societal values. Although the beginning wasn’t too bad, the past 6 months have brought out the worst in us. I wasn’t very happy agreeing to the marriage as I knew I would never love him as a wife but couldn’t let my parents down either. I try my hardest to make this connection genuine but haven’t been able to. I’m deeply unhappy and don’t know how to envision my future anymore.
Ans: The unhappiness you mentioned is most probably making it difficult to establish the relationship with your husband and added to that you were never keen on marrying your husband is also a glaring factor. Here, along with your unhappiness consider your husband’s view as well so that both of you can mutually decide the future of this relationship. Discussing the relationship with him could help in reaching a conclusion which is suitable to both of you.
Changed partner
I’m a 23-year-old girl from Sydney, Australia. My husband and I had a baby a few months ago. Ours was a complete love marriage with no complications of any sort. However, as loving and respectful my husband was towards me earlier, he has completely turned tables. He is mean, disrespectful, and abusive and treats me almost like a maid. He has curbed all my freedom and expects me to stay home. His modern feminist thinking has changed to an orthodox chauvinist one. I can’t understand if he was faking it all along just to get married or if the baby has made him like this.
Ans: The sudden change in his personality could be alarming symptom of something going on with him at a deeper level which needs to be investigated. Take a stand against his abuse and share this with your family. A message needs to be conveyed to him regarding his behaviour so that corrective measures can be taken. He might be undergoing some changes himself that might be disturbing him at an emotional level which also needs to be addressed.
Dealing with comparison
I’m 25-year-old girl from Mumbai, working in the creative field of fashion. I have an older sister who works as a Lawyer and has always been the smarter one of us, topping classes and getting higher grades. My parents are supportive of me in every way but keep comparing me to her. None of my achievements are ever enough as they keep down-playing them against hers. My way of life is more liberal and free compared to her traditional one. I’ve been feeling unappreciated and under-valued in my family. How do I make them see my work is just as respectful as hers?
Ans: The external comparison exists in various ways and having a tendency to please all those factors is a taxing job. The self-worth and being able to like what you do is essential than any other validation. I agree that family support could do wonders but here wanting to change a mindset of external people would be difficult. Hence, focus internally and provide yourself with the required value. Self-approval and validation helps in motivation to do better and push yourself to achieve success that matters to you.
A helpless housewife’s
I’m a 32-year-old woman from Mumbai. Before marriage and a few years after it, I worked as cabin crew in a leading airline. It was always my dream and lived it to the most. After having my first baby, I wilfully gave up my job to look after my family. I had a second baby a while back and continued to be a housewife. Lately, in the past few months, I’ve begun to miss my career. I know I can’t join back as my kids are still young. However, each passing day I get more irritable with everyone around me, removing frustration in the wrong way. My ambitious side is coming back and I feel helpless. I can’t leave my kids alone and don’t know to settle this nagging feeling.
Ans: There are many changes that have taken place over the past few years and each change has been a welcome one so far. However, I understand the irritability with self as one of the important roles in your life no longer exists. Since you wish to start work again, finding something that is your interest as well as doesn’t keep you away from your kids could be a good option to consider. You can brainstorm certain ideas so that the frustration and irritation reduces till you actually start work.
