Staying Strong
My wife is just diagnosed with cancer and it is the second stage. The doctors seem hopeful about her case and say that there is scope. We are going ahead with the treatment, but she seems really low and negative about the whole issue. She has already lost hope on life without going through the treatment and I have heard that the mind needs to be healthy to go through the treatment and combat cancer. I really want to be there for her, but I need guidance on how to keep us both mentally strong during these tough times. We have 2 small children and I need to be a pillar to my wife and children. Please help me.
Ans: It is definitely the most stressful time for both of you, and you as a care giver needs to be very attentive to minor things that can help to provide for the betterment of your wife’s health both physical and emotional. It is certainly true that the more light hearted she stays the better can be her recovery, as emotional stress itself runs a person down and that can affect the physical well being too. If you think you’ll need counselling then please seek help without hesitation, as the professionals will not only calm her down but also help you to stay constantly supportive of her and you may also want to share your feelings with someone as you may probably feel drained out with the whole negative situation. At the treatment centre you can probably ask for some help, may be a reference of the patients who have recovered and are currently doing well, as probably talking to them can give her some confidence. In addition they may have experience with similar patients earlier who are not able to mentally fight against this disease and hence they can too provide you with the best option. Many such centres have a support group too, you can consider taking your wife to one of these and it may help as these involve meeting other patients with similar problems and she may feel encouraged looking at them fighting. Continue having a good communication with her and avoid stressful moments at home, like minor conflicts or extreme change in the house like redecorating or having too many people constantly visiting her. Keep your life as it is and just deal with it like any other disorder, that is giving it the kind of treatment required, be supportive and hope for a better prognosis, and avoid the feeling that she may not be in future so let’s make the most of now. Just live everyday as it is suppose to be.
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Enduring in silence
My father is an alcoholic and I have grown up seeing him physically and verbally abuse my mother. My mom has always been patient with him and not raised her voice against it. Initially, I respected my mom for not getting angry. I thought it was very brave of her, but now I know that it is wrong for her to keep quiet. I often see her sobbing in a corner and she seems to be very sad and depressed always. She has no friends and is not comfortable talking to me too. I want her to realize her value and I want her to stop tolerating the abuse. How do I do this?
Ans: You are absolutely right in thinking about your mother’s self worth, which clearly in the process has lost it and you can be the strong pillar for her to help her get out of this hardship. No amount of abuse is fine, in fact abuse itself is an act that immediately calls for help to put some sort of end to it. If this sort of abuse is going on since few years it only goes to say, that you mother is in real danger of loosing her self worth and has only allowed others to walk all over her making her a punching bag. Your involvement is very crucial as without your help probably your mother has gone very weak herself to fight back at this point and you can be her guidance keeping in mind that she must have lost her confidence . There are many addiction centres that can help you with this sort of situation, ask them to guide you with the right kind of moves to stop this and bring the necessary changes from your end at your best. You can try to involve you older trust worthy family members, who can together with you fight this situation with a little determination. Be patient as this has been going on since long and you cannot expect your father to quit drinking in a day, but the abuse as to stop as soon as possible. Seek help immediately.
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Quest for Identity
I have been married for 10 years. I have a loving family, a caring husband and a beautiful 5 year-old daughter. My life seems perfect from the outside. However, off-late I have been feeling very lonely and keep thinking that I should do something substantial with my life and not waste it by only catering to my family. I wish I had an identity of my own and do not want to be known as a house-wife. However, whenever I think of doing something, I feel anxious and question my ability to do something. I do not have enough confidence to work anymore. The more days I spend at home doing nothing but the routine household chores, the more frustrated and gloomy I feel. Please help.
Ans: What is are desiring for is very good for you and your emotional health, as it is very essential that one should feel involved with something which gives them immense pleasure and self worth and something that does not feel like an everyday chore. This is called building up your passion, getting a meaning to life that makes it worthy for you. You must go ahead with it, and yes definitely it may take you long to adjust to a new situation and develop all sorts of self doubt, whether you’ll be able to manage everything, whether it is worth your time away from your home and family, but once you start with it there can be minor adjustments that you may have to go throw, but eventually everything will fall in place, and you will be handling one more thing in your life that makes you happy and evolved. Take help of others in your family and speak to them prior that you are trying to begin with something that you have been looking forward to, they too have your best interest and hence they will help you. Be patient with the whole thing and keep the determination towards your self actualisation.
