Free Press Journal

Sex and the city: Sexual fantasy of a friend

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Germany, Berlin, Teenage boy using mobile phone

My friend watches a lot of gay porn. Does that mean he is gay? If he is not, does that mean he will become gay?

Your friend could very well be gay or might just be curious about what gay porn looks like. Both these possibilities exist. Becoming gay isn’t a conscious choice in many cases. It’s usually a proclivity that develops due to a mindset shift that occurs in one’s early years.

Some would argue that people are born this way. The debate rages on.


Then there’s the matter of – Transsexuality – whereby a person emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex. The ‘inner woman’ housed in the ‘male body’ may feel attracted to a man. While this is technically a homosexual attraction, for the transsexual – it’s his ‘inner woman’ feeling pulled towards another ‘man’.

This is just one of the possibilities.

My concern is less for your friend and more for your involvement with your friend’s porn viewing habits. This is strictly his private business. While I appreciate your concern for him, I am assuming that your friend is a grown adult with the ability to make choices for himself.

Unsolicited advice on your part or an unprovoked curiosity about the lives and choices of others could be seen as an unwelcome and uninvited intrusion into someone’s private space. I’d invite you to direct your friend to a sex counsellor is he wishes to understand his mind-space better.

(Aman R Bhonsle is a qualified Psychosocial Analyst and a Professional Youth Mentor with specialisation in Transactional Analysis and REBT. He is available for consultation at the Heart To Heart Counselling Centre.)