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Sex and the City: Girl stalker, a shocker!

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Q: A girl I met at a friend’s place and who I have no interest in, has been stalking me by sending sexual voice messages on WhatsApp. I blocked her on WhatsApp and then she called from another number and told me that she dreams of having sex with me. While this could be viewed as flattering, I feel anxious with the stalking. I have no interest in her at all and I worry that she might be delusional, and if she feels slighted I fear she may mount her stalking and make life difficult for me or even accuse me of responding to her. What should I do? Should I tell our common friend? Would anyone believe that a woman is stalking a man?

A: To truly resolve the matter you need to make sure that you set all your social media profiles to private mode. Your discoverability online or the digital breadcrumbs you leave on the internet could be used by her to try and contact you and that is why you need to make sure you change all your passwords and perhaps even make sure you call the phone company and make sure to have her number blocked. Most smartphones have an option to block a number. You can block every number from which she calls. It is still your choice to immediately hang up the phone whenever she calls from a new number without entertaining her at all.

Sooner or later, even the most resilient stalkers do get tired out. Also, make sure you keep yourself clear at all times. This will mean keeping someone in the loop about the distressing situation that you are facing.


Make sure it’s someone you can rely on if the situation gets heated. You could talk to a trusted elder in the family or rope in a friend who you can bank on. Let them know about the situation in all its detail. This is in case she makes false allegations against you or harms herself (as some emotionally unsound people do when their advances are not responded to).

Keep screenshots of chat messages that she sends you as these are proof of the harassment you are facing. Keep archives of all your correspondences online or on the Cloud. You may also want to consider going to the police if things get further out of hand. While cases where women stalking men this aggressively are rare and while it’s true that the law often sides with women due to the high amount of harassment cases where women are troubled, you need to look out for yourself without worrying about what others will think.

People like a good story, but even the most interesting gossip topics sooner or later become ‘yesterday’s news’. You need to live your life and prioritise your own comfort.

(Aman R Bhonsle is a qualified Psychosocial Analyst and a Professional Youth Mentor with specialisation in Transactional Analysis and REBT. He is available for consultation at the Heart To Heart Counselling Centre.)