Free Press Journal

Personal problem-with Dr.Anjali Chhabria


Young couple fighting sitting back to back

Disinterest in men

I am 35 years old and I recently got divorced. My reason to get this divorce was because my husband and I weren’t compatible anymore in our way of living and he had once cheated on me in the past. I got to know that he has moved on obviously and that he has got back to dating the same woman he earlier had an affair with, which I am very okay with. That is not what is bothering me. What I feel doubtful about is that currently my disinterest in men altogether seems very strong and that I am not able to even think of myself in a new relationship. Is that normal? Do I sound depressed because of this? Should I seek any help?

Ans: there is no competition here. It is not true that because your husband is dating and hence you should be too. You don’t have to get even with. I understand you may feel that he has moved one and a new relationship is making him feel all happy, whereas on your end you are still seeping your separation in, but that’s very normal behaviour. Dating someone promptly after a break up can be his style of coping with lonely feeling. For you taking your own time to adjust to single hood again is what’s suiting and making you feel at ease. Just go with the flow and live your life the as your heart says. There is a reason why are you’ll separated as you mentioned that you’ll have a difference in way of living and now you seems to be dwelling on the same difference even after being separated. It’s not going to help you, rather stop thinking of his life and you focus on what you want to bring changes in your life. If you wish to seek help you need to see a life coach who will help you to set new goals of life help you to achieve them.

Baby woes

My husband and I are planning a baby. I am very excited about it but I am still not ready to get my life to a standstill because of a new member. I still have a lot on my plate in terms of work and house chores and social commitments. I really want a baby too as I am 29 years old and I know now is the right time as also suggested by my gynecologist. What should I do to handle things better?

Ans: Yes having a baby means your priorities changes but it doesn’t mean that everything else comes to a standstill. And beside when you plan for a baby it’s not like you going to staring having one at home from tomorrow. When you plan your first need to conceive. This might happen in first month or may even take longer, once you conceive you have nine months to prepare for the new born. And even after a new born it is really upto you how you manage your time efficiently. There has to be a right balance. You are not expected to still whole day with your baby unless in certain conditions or if really required in some situations. You need to learn to delegate your work when you have a baby. If you can and wish to you can keep more domestic help for ease of work. After the initial maternal leave you can get back to your work if you have anyone to baby sit. So planning baby need not require you to stop other aspects of your life but yes definitely you need quality time with them and you can achieve a balance to get there.

Carrier roadblock

I am 30 years old and I need to start my career. I have studied law but I feel no scope and interest in that field any more. I would like to do something creative and outgoing. I dislike any kind of desk job. People around me are very disappointment with me as I still haven’t figured out what kind of career I want. By now all my friends are having their own savings and independent careers. I am getting a job offer by a company but I don’t feel like taking it up as once if I start with it I know I will get into a rat race and never follow my heart. I don’t want to end up as a failure please suggests what I can do.

Ans: To choose a career a guidance counsellor with test whether your aptitude, interest and personality match for a particular career option. They emphasis on aptitude so that is you are naturally good at something, achievement in that field can get easy for you and similarly if you have high interest in something then you would look forward for the achievements. What seems to be in your case is that these two aspects of aptitude and interest don’t match. You are naturally good at something but your heart is in creative fields. In such cases you need to make careful choice. As if you choose your interest alone yes definitely you will love to work but you will have to work hard enough to cover up your weakness in that particular aptitude. So yes you can try something out in creative field as that is something you will be able to stick to for the rest of your life, but at the same time don’t feel unmotivated if you are taking longer to achieve or if you need to work more than others who are naturally good at it. Few good things come with a cost. So also be prepared to have emotional hurdles, but you can overcome these setbacks if you work on them wisely.