Not so social
I am a 30-year-old chef. I don’t spend a lot of time talking to people and my friendships are limited to my colleagues and cousins. I now fear social situations and am nervous meeting new people, which is a challenge as I am looking to get married. What should I do?
Meeting new people and socialising can be very overwhelming for some people. The fact that you have some bonds with colleagues and your cousins give you some leverage. Try to network and meet new people through them. When you walk into a room full of new people, you don’t need to be the life of the party and talk to every single person. You could find just one person that you click with and follow up with them after. You have a really interesting, uncommon profession that gives you a lot different experiences to talk about. Talk about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and interests other than the culinary arts. Just because you are socially isolated, doesn’t mean that you don’t have interesting things to share. You should know that no one is going to be your best friend when you first meet them, but friendships grow with the effort, will and openness you put into them. Similar philosophy exists for marriage as well. The relationship will grow with time and only when the apprehension towards others is worked upon, will a satisfactory conversation take place.
I am a 19-year-old boy. I just finished giving my exams and I am now required to make a choice for my majors. I want to major in Zoology, but my parents want me to pursue Physics. I am confused since I do score well in both. What should I do?
Almost all of us have come across this point in our lives where we had to decide what we should study further as it supposedly dictates what we pursue as our profession. As someone declaring an undergrad major, evaluating your options thoroughly and think about how you would feel about that choice. Your parents’ happiness is important and of course, they want the best for you. However, you should be able to wake up in the morning and look forward to learning something you love. You should remember that even though this feels like a life altering choice, you still have time to decide what you pursue in a few years. The popular mindset says that the choice you make now is something you have to live with forever, but believe me that the choices you make is something that will teach you something for the future. Whatever you choose, you must put in your 100%, otherwise what’s the point? And career once chosen isn’t like sealing a final deal. You can simultaneously also look at other options of your interest and pursue them alongside so as to not deny yourself of opportunities.
Is break up the solution?
I am a 23-year-old girl, in a relationship since the past three years. My family is very traditional and by next year, my family will start trying to set me up with someone from their social circle. My boyfriend is from a different background and I don’t know if my family will accept it. Should I break up? What should I do? I get stressed each day thinking about these things.
Love is a complicated matter, especially when you feel torn apart between your significant other and your family. Both are so important, how should you decide? You said you don’t know if they will accept your partner, but you also don’t know if they won’t. Since you have been together for such a long time, I am sure there are qualities of each other that make this a stable and secure relationship. You seem happy and committed, and this would be something valuable to share with your family. Perhaps, by seeing your compatibility and happiness they could try overlooking the background differences. Most parents want their child to be happy, stable, and secure. Even if it is difficult for them, they might try to come to terms with it. Don’t make decisions based on your assumptions and please don’t give up something so important before giving it your all to make it work! If conflicts arise after, those are problems we can solutions to after.
A wife’s dilemma
I am a single mother living in Mumbai for the past 11 years. My ex husband was not in contact with my family since I moved to Mumbai. Now he has been calling me and I don’t know how I should respond. What should I do?
With a child involved, I understand how sensitive this situation can be. Since you don’t know why he is calling, or what he wants, the best thing you could do is ask. When you speak to him, try to be firm and make sure you deeply think about what he has to say. You have been a strong and independent woman for a long time. For 11 years you have been managing your life alone. Use that strength and respond in a civil and firm manner. Be respectful towards him and careful about what he says or does.