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Agony Aunt helps to cope with separation, relationship problems, and achieve work-life balance

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Separation sorrows 

I am a mother of an 8-year-old child who is very well behaved and obedient. On the marital front, my husband has decided to separate, because of some differences. However, I fear to disclose it to my child about it as he will be very depressed after learning about it and it will also result in his academic scores. I really love my child and don’t want to lose him in the custody fight with my husband. Please guide me for this situation.

Ans: The various fears you are experiencing here with respect to losing the family structure and entering into a legal battle for your child’s custody is a lot to take in for an individual. And I understand you are trying to cope with all these changes to the best of your capacities. Since your husband has decided to part ways, seeking legal assistance in this scenario is important as your lawyer could assist you how to go about filing for custody and other proceedings. About breaking the news to your child, both you and your husband would have to team up to explain the situation.


Same-sex love story

I had a happy courtship with my to-be husband. Our family members are very excited for this marriage which they are sure will work out for me. But right after our marriage he revealed that he is in love with a same-sex person, which really shocked me, and it was not accepted in our caste (so called ‘society’) and that is why he married me for the sake of his family. How should I reveal this to my family and help him marry his love?

Ans: You are responding to this situation with less of hurt and more of maturity which is a commendable strength. And this strength will also help you in making few important decisions. You and your husband together could gather respective family members and convey this so that their questions are answered by both of you as a team and nothing is left to assumptions. Conveying the decision that both of you would have made with respect to dissolving your marriage is also essential as it will reflect seriousness from your end and also an independent stand. Post the legal formalities of your marriage to him, you can look towards helping your husband marry his love. There will be hurt caused amongst family and they will take time to heal and your only efforts would be to be each other’s strength.

When religion becomes barrier

I am an orthodox Brahmin boy. I am in a relationship for the past five years with a Muslim girl. It’s time for us to be married now, but our family isn’t accepting each other. We are forced to leave each other and get ready for an arranged marriage. This problem is stressing me getting; I have been taken sleeping pills and ready to risk my life. How can I solve this problem?

Ans: The given situation has now become quite grave as you are ready to risk your life for the failure in relationship. Firstly, in order to make a sound decision regarding the future it is essential to take care of self and not react out of impulse. At this point, involving few family members who could be a support in your decision could be helpful to speak to other members who are against the idea of your marriage. Bringing the family in for a family consultation with a therapist could also help.

Work vs relationship 

I am blogger by profession and love my work. I have an amazing fan following and it is ever increasing. Now that I have decided to marry my boyfriend, there is an implication for quitting my work from him as he feels I spend a lot of time on screen and might compromise on our marital front. We have been having issues for past few months since I have been busy with work. What should I do?

Ans: There is an indication that your boyfriend isn’t against the idea of you working all together, but probably against not being able balance out both your personal as well as professional life. I am sure gaining a fan following on social media these days is quite a daunting task and you must be doing an amazing job to gain popularity. So to let go of that or bring a compromise wouldn’t be an option as well. However, as soon as you realise that there is an imbalance being created in either of the fronts, take a pause, if possible evaluate the last few days/weeks/month to find the loophole and once you figure out the reason for imbalance work on it.

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