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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Fearful intimate fantasy

My partner and I have been together for a year now and we have recently got intimate. He is an amazing person and we both love each other a lot. Since we have got intimate, I have started understanding him a little better. He is very into the whole BDSM thing and tries to get me to be more open to it. He likes to experiment in the bedroom while I am quite traditional. He has even shown me a few videos and even though it wasn’t very extreme or harmful, it still scarred me. Sometimes, I feel that the problem is with me and sometimes I feel that what he is doing is bad. Please help me as I don’t know whether I should participate in this or not.

Ans: You need to gain a little stability and insight, listen to your inner voice and see how it guides you. If you feel this sort of sexual intimacy is making you feel negative then you can share this with your partner and if he loves you enough he will come half way and adjust accordingly to your sexual comforts. Whereas if you feel the fear exciting and it makes you happy you can experiment and try new things in bed keeping your sexual spark alive. Let your feeling help you take the decision as no matter how thoughtful you try to stay while being intimate with your partner it is your body that will take charge and guide you to your pleasurable feelings. But if you are very uncomfortable engaging in such act you must stand up for your dignity and say no, as being intimate is very essential aspect of love relationship, it’s called love making for a reason and if you are happy in that area you won’t be able to cope with the relationship for long term, so sooner the better is you want to deny it you might as well do it now before it is too late. Try that you can gain his trust so you’ll both can walk half way, while he respects your call too.


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Careless son

Hello, I’m a parent of a 15 year old child. My son is studying in std. X. His board exams are starting from next week. He is not inclined towards studies and seems to be least bothered by the outcome. He barely studies for 2 hours a day and whiles away the rest of his time either playing games or harassing his brother or going out for walks. No matter how much his father and I pester him or try to make him understand, all our words fall on deaf ears. We, as parents, are extremely worried. At this rate, he may have difficulty passing his exams, leave alone obtaining good marks. Please help.

Ans: Talking to him and understanding why there is an aversion towards studies will be a good start. Often exams and especially board exams create an anxiety due to the importance attached to it not only by school, parents but everyone around. Help him ease out that tension and then speak to him about his aversion towards studies. Being strict and stern at this point will create more damage than any benefit. Be encouraging and not pushy, be a sound board rather than adviser and be a friend rather than a parent in such times.

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Having high temperament

I am having difficulty controlling my anger. All my friends have always maintained that I am short-tempered. My family is even scared of me at times because of my temper. They usually avoid confronting me, and would not share anything unpleasant with me, lest I may become upset. I got married 6 years back and have realised that because of my bad temper; I could never become emotionally too close to my wife. I’ve been trying to work on it but have not made any remarkable progress. I have a 4 year old daughter, and it hurts me to know that even she has started fearing me. I can’t let this affect my relationship with her. I really wish to control my anger. I just don’t know how to. 

Ans: The insight towards your problems is a good start to work on yourself. You can start with seeking professional help for anger management; enrol yourself for yoga/meditation or even gym for that matter to channelize your aggression productively. Taking part in daily activities with your wife and daughter can also help in strengthening your relationship with them. Identifying the triggers of the anger is usually a good place to begin with, post this you can think about different ways in which you can behave in place of anger.