Troubled Mother & wife
I am a 38-year-old mother having a ten year old boy who is aggressive, stubborn and mischievous. He has built in this nature seeing his father who becomes his mentor. This habit of my son and my husband has started stressing me time and over. My son’s school teachers and the principle have been complaining to me continuously about his discipline, where as I am getting no support of my husband how should I handle this situation?
Ans: The fact that your son has an ally in your husband might be a difficult situation for you to manage at home. Arrange for a joint meeting between your husband and school authorities, so that he is in the loop as well and understands the repercussions of his actions onto your son’s life. Consulting a family therapist is also another step towards building an understanding amongst the two of you with respect to parenting as well as working on ways to help your child develop a healthy emotional pattern.
Daddy’s wrong choice
Hi, I am now in my early thirties belonging to an orthodox family. My father is behind me selecting a suitor appropriate for me. My father has arranged my marriage with a divorced man who is close to my age and has a young child of six years. I don’t understand how I should explain him that marrying that man will not be easy for me. I am worried that I will have to take care of the six year old child and become a mother much before I can settle in the role of a wife. Help me in this situation as I feel very stuck.
Ans: I understand your apprehension with respect to marrying the man your father has chosen for you. Here, since your father is unwilling to listen to you, having an honest conversation with the person chosen could be something that might help you put forth your apprehensions and reservations. Since both of you have to live together and share a fulfilling relationship, it is imperative that the other person knows your state of mind as well. Talking honestly about your feelings will make the person mindful about making an informed choice and together you both can save each other from a dissatisfying relationship.
Suffering with sad reality
I recently learnt from my father that my mother is suffering from uterian cancer and has less than few months to live. I was quite devastated with the news and am still trying hard to not react badly. The fear of not being a complete family anymore scares me immensely. I have a younger sibling who looks up to me a lot. I can’t afford to break down in front of her each time I think about my mother. What should I do?
Ans: I am very sorry to hear about your mother’s ill health. You are being as strong as you possibly could be in the given circumstances. You thinking about the impact that the news will create on the family all by yourself is probably taking a toll on you. At this point, with the known situation you have your family members to rely on for support as they have you. I understand that you may not wish to break down in front of your sibling however, taking care of your own emotions is essential and thus, sharing your pain with either another family member or friends is important. The pain will take its own time to heal but when expressed and spoken about, it helps to a great degree.
I belong to a nuclear family that involves my father and my step mother. My parents got divorced when I was six years old and my mother hasn’t been in touch since then. Dad remarried when I turned eight and I have become used to my step mother’s sarcasm and hatred towards me since then. It’s been nine years to their marriage and her behaviour towards me, but these days it becomes unbearable for tolerating her continuous taunts and curse. Every time she curses me or taunts me I feel to run away and at times I also get suicidal thoughts. What can I do to win her?
Ans: You have mentioned an important need here of winning over your step mother despite her behaviour and the strained interactions that both of you have had in the last couple of years. Since you wish to establish a cordial relationship with her, simply being consistent in your behavior towards her could help you not let the relationship be affected any further. Your father could also play an instrumental role here to mediate between the two of you and help you reach a common ground with your step mother. Once you understand her reservations or her behaviour towards you better, the possibility of reaching a point of acceptance can take place.