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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Invisible gap in friendship

I’m a 25-year-old girl from Mumbai with two best friends that I’ve had since a decade. One of them got married a year ago and her relationship towards the remaining two of us has changed greatly. We both feel she’s begun taking us for granted, prioritising only her new found husband’s friends. She knows she can rely on us whenever she needs us but doesn’t seem to bother when things are going great. I’ve felt a clear drift from her and our third friend feels the same. We don’t feel like meeting her much and enjoy each other’s company alone more than ever. We’ve tried to tell her many times and she doesn’t do much about it. Are we outgrowing our best friend?

Ans: The fear of outgrowing your best friend is quite apparent in your case. It is essential to understand that with changing life circumstances, there could be changes in people which we may not be ready for. Since you have already spoken to your friend about her behaviour and there isn’t any alteration made, it could be an indicator that she is already in the transition. Maybe realigning your expectations from your and the other friend’s end could help you look at this friendship in a new light which is what might be required.


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The ‘third’ person

I’m a 42-year-old woman living in Mumbai. My husband of 10 years recently confessed to me that he has feelings for another woman he met at work. Even though he hasn’t cheated on me, I feel betrayed and heart-broken. He says he loves me as we have children together but his behaviour towards me is more of a friend than a lover/husband. I don’t think a divorce at this point would be ideal as our children are very young and don’t want it to affect them in any way.

Ans: Being subjected to infidelity of any manner affects at an emotional level which might take a toll onto the existing relationships as well. In this situation, both your views are essential as to how you wish to continue marriage from here on. Your husband also needs to be on the same page as you as far as continuing the marriage for children. In case he chooses to continue marriage on different terms you shall need to be prepared for the same. Thus, discuss these considerations with him rather than taking an independent stand but at the same time do not let the situation deter you.

Regretful lover

I’m a 25-year-old boy from Bangalore. I’ve had a girl best friend since school. She really liked me back in school but I thought nothing of it, we even went on to date other people. I’ll be honest and say there were many times when I just took her for granted and pushed her away. She has completely cut contact with me now. Not only do I miss my friend, but I think I’ve been denying my real feelings all along. What do I do? She won’t believe me if I tell her what I really feel.

Ans: The timeline varies for each person as to how and when they realise feelings for the other person. And if the realisation has occurred to you now and despite the history you have with your friend, conveying your feelings to her could help at this point. Assuming that she will not believe you wouldn’t allow you to make an attempt at giving your feelings a fair chance.

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Love vs career

I’m a 24-year-old girl living in Mumbai. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 4 years and we are quite serious about each other. However, we both plan to go abroad for further studies and he is insistent we work out a long distance relationship. I’m not too keen on the idea as I know life will be very different there and our priorities are now bound to change. I’m quite serious about my career and wish to live a free life there. I love him a lot but am having a hard time balancing my old and new life. What should I do?

Ans: Your ideas about relationship are different than that of your boyfriend which might be a conflicting space to be in on a daily basis. It is imperative that both of you have a conversation regarding these differing viewpoints so that each of you understands independent positions. The idea is to understand the priorities that each of you have set for the near future and then assess how the relationship might get affected by that understanding.