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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Liar friend

I recently had a fallout with a friend of mine who refuses to accept her fault. She lied to her parents about being at my place Saturday evening while she was actually partying across town. She has been my friend since grade 2 but has transformed drastically in the past 2 years since we joined class 11th. I can’t stand lies but also can’t see her going down this path. How do I help her?

Ans: It looks like you value your friendship more than your friend because you care for her which is crystal clear. I agree that you wish the best for her and wouldn’t want to see her taking a wrong turn. Since you have been friends for so long, talking to her is important which involves less of accusations and more of support and understanding the source of her sudden change. Once both of you understand where each of you stands, it would be easier to accept the existing changes as an individual. It is also important to understand that as a friend your role is limited with how much could you interfere in each other’s life. an open conversation with her could help have clarification on this fact as well.


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Dreams and doubts

I am getting trained to be a musician since I was 4 years old when I first played few tunes on the keyboard. I have loved music ever since. I have performed a lot over the years and now in my prime age of 25, I believe to make it big in the industry. However, the whole glitz and glamour around music industry overwhelm me as I belong to a humble background. I am quite caught up in deciding between these two worlds and experience anxiety. Is there anything I can do here?

Ans: The choice of career and the place you chose to work in has its own set of influence on you as a person and the conflict you are experiencing is a natural response to it. A general misconception is that one should mould into the environment as soon as possible without realising that it may not be important or required. Thus, you may not have to give up on your old ways but could always make space for new ways which are something you like and not those which seem to be ‘expected’ out of you.

Bond

A few years ago, I became a pen pal with a guy from Singapore. We have been in touch since then. We have sent each other our pictures and spoken at length about our respective lives. I feel some connection with him and he is coming to India next week. We have decided to meet but I am getting cold feet here. I am not sure how would it unfold and whether it would break my illusion about him. I really want to meet him.

Ans: The relationship has been based on the virtual interactions you have had for the past few years with this guy. Meeting him in person would be bringing in those things to reality, and thus could lead to questions as to whether he will be what he claimed to be so far or whether he would be totally different. The only way to find out is to actually meet and discover it for yourself. As a caution, not keeping your guards extremely high but at the same time give taking things slow from here and knowing each other in person should be taken into consideration. Viewing him in the light of what he has mentioned about himself so far and verifying it with your observations could be detrimental as you would be missing out on knowing him as a person.

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Emotional breakdown  

My 17-year-old daughter had a meltdown over her breakup last week. She was very serious about this guy and has been quite low since then. I as a mother am at loss as to what can be done to help her. Is there anything I need to be aware of while supporting her and making sure she comes out of this at the earliest?

Ans: I understand your anxiety as a mother would be too high as you want to help your child in the best possible manner. It is essential to know whether your daughter would appreciate your help in the first place or she would want these few days to herself. crowding her too much at the moment would constantly keep her in the loop of the breakup. However, be around as far as possible and involving her in household tasks that both of you could participate together without expecting a conversation here. As and when she is ready and she comes to talk to you, providing her with support and just hearing her out is needed. Patronizing her would be detrimental or statements like, ‘you are better off without him or he wasn’t worthy of you or you will get better in no time” etc. would dampen her resolve so kindly avoid such conversation.