Odd girl out
I’m a 21-year-old girl. A few months ago, I introduced my best friend to another friend who was visiting me from overseas. I have noticed that since then they both have become very close, forming their own bond leaving me the odd one out. They’ve been making plans together and not even informing me and this makes me feel totally isolated. I’ve realised my best friend has done this before too where she tries to steal my friends from me. I’m done with her social poaching habits and want to get rid of her completely. How do I tell my friends what her real intentions are?
Ans: I understand that your best friend’s behaviour is quite disturbing and bothering to an extent that you wish to break the relationship entirely. Rather than focusing on how to tell your other friends about her, express your concerns and decision of moving out of this relationship to her directly. This might cause unrest but eventually, lead to less toxicity in terms of friendship.
Friend vs boyfriend
I’m a 23-year-old girl studying in Bangalore and have been dating a boy for 2 years. My boyfriend works in his uncle’s office and is hardly around to spend quality time with me in person. Most of our communication is over text/phone call and we see each other very rarely. Lately, I’ve been developing feelings for a friend of mine who I know has felt the same about me for a while. He’s always around as we study together and have the same group. I feel appreciated and special with him and he always manages to make time for us. I love my boyfriend but don’t feel all that happy with him. I don’t know what to do.
Ans: A relationship has various needs that require fulfilment from time to time. Your conflict is probably stemming from the happiness around need-fulfilment and guilt that the supposed person isn’t the one fulfilling it. Being certain of your feelings towards either of the two people is necessary so that there is less hurt involved. Since you are involved with someone, highlighting the issues to him is important so that if things can be worked out the relationship stays. As far as the developing comfort is concerned with the other friend, it might be wise to explore the intensity of your feelings towards him as well at some point.
Best friend to the rescue
I’m a 21-year-old boy from Delhi. I have a girl best friend who has recently begun dating another friend of ours from the group. However, I know this guy is up to no good and know a lot about his past shenanigans. I’m very protective of her and cannot stand her being fooled by this menace. Every time I try to tell her the truth she gets offended and defensive towards me. I can’t tell another person from the group as I don’t want anyone talking bad about her or her relationship. What should I do and help her see the truth?
Ans: I agree she is your best friend and you would want the best for her. But since she has decided to be with someone of her choice and wants to give it a chance, your insistence to show her the truth might instigate a negative reaction from her. Be watchful of any perceived threat but do not let your concern be misplaced in the process that would affect your friendship with her. At times it is important to realise that people who we care for or are concerned about do make their own mistakes and despite us knowing full well about it, we can only provide our support when asked. Thus, at any point you feel that you should be doing something more, remember that you can only extend your support in a limited capacity.
I’m a 28-year-old living and working in Hyderabad. My fiancé and I have been engaged for four months now and are to be married within the next 6 months. I have known him for a long time and we mutually decided on getting married. For some reason, I feel I’ve been getting unhappier day by day. I don’t know why this is happening as our relationship is very good and I am very happy with my decision. But for two weeks I’ve just been ignoring him and anyone who brings up the topic of our marriage. I get agitated and annoyed every time he mentions anything about planning our wedding. Why am I feeling so perturbed?
Ans: There could be various possibilities that might be at play here. Marriage as a decision is quite a huge responsibility which becomes real as and how the day gets closer. Visiting a professional for pre-marital counselling could be a step that could help you understand your perturbed feeling better. Also take your fiancé along in this process as he is equally involved and would be essential key to understanding why the sudden change in the thought process.