Free Press Journal

Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems


Nervousness before marriage

I am about to get married to my girlfriend of 7 years in a month’s time. Both of us are very excited and looking forward to getting married. But for the past few weeks I have been getting anxious for no apparent reason. I thought about it for quite some time and concluded that as and when people around me discuss about marriage or the preparation around it I get anxious. What should I do about this looming anxiety?

Ans: Anxiety is supposedly normal phenomena at a time like this. Marriage is a big change in life even though you may have known the person who you are getting married to. Marriage involves a re-landscaping of many elements of one’s life. From an altogether change in one’s routine and schedule to having to learn how to adjust, compromise and include a second person’s perspective in all aspects. This does result in stress, seen and unseen. Pre-martial counselling is known to help at a time like this. In addition, it may be a good idea to see a counsellor/therapist/psychiatrist to rule out any other possibility of the source of the anxiety. Please also keep communicating with your fiancée and share your thoughts and feelings with her. This will help in her understanding you better and vice versa.

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Making a choice

This year I completed my 10th grade exams. I was simultaneously preparing for my ACT exam and scored decent in it. I also had applied to a lot of schools and heard positively from few of them. I have shortlisted two schools and working towards eliminating one with the help of my parents and career counsellor. I am keen on going to the school of my choice, but all others are quite set on the other school. I can’t seem to convince them as they do not consider my stand to be important as I am still ‘young’. How do I convince them?

Ans: This may seem to be a regular area of conflict between parents and children, where parents and counsellors feel they may know best on account of life experience and you may feel otherwise based on your aptitude, passion, desires and wants. It is important to hear out and list out factors which form the basis of their recommendations. Simultaneously and factually, rationally and objectively list out factors that support your stand and put them alongside the basis of their reasoning. Having a rationale and providing objectivity to your thoughts and responding to their reasoning with the same will help you to communicate a solid basis to communicate your side. Do not get impatient and continue to have dialogue.

Eating disorder

I am a 17-year-old girl studying fashion and technology at a reputed university. I am staying away from home which works well for me as things at home aren’t that good. When I was 14, I remember developing a habit of binge eating and then puking it later when no one would see. It went on for about 6 months until my elder sister caught me one day and yelled at me. I stopped after that, but I think the behaviour is repeating itself as I am doing it every second or the third day. I don’t want to get sucked into this cycle again. What can I do to avoid it?

Ans: Binge eating and then puking is a concerning pattern of behaviour. Often our exhibited behaviour finds its source in our sub-conscious or in the unconscious. Issues like body-shaming, self-worth and self-esteem issues are some of the sources of binging and puking. In addition, you have mentioned that you are staying away from home because things are not good there. Family disturbances and unresolved related behaviour find various ways of expression. In addition, the behaviour could also be the result of the environment that the fashion industry exerts a large amount of pressure on physical attributes and traits. However, since this behaviour has occurred in the past and is finding itself repeating itself, I would recommend you seek support from a psychologist. Please know that it is crucial to seek understanding, support and help for this from a qualified person. Doing so will help reveal the source and reason behind this behaviour and remedial action can be taken with the help of a professional to bring about a change.

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Challenging behavioural issues  

I am a mother of 2 kids aged 7 and 10 years. My 7-year-old son is showing few behavioural issues and the school has been complaining about it. My 10-year-old is also getting influenced because of the same and it is difficult to handle both at the same time. My husband works out of station and rarely available to attend to these issues. What do you suggest I do in this scenario? 

Ans: This sounds like a challenging situation for you. Please begin by sharing the situation with your husband. It is important for him know, both, from the perspective of the children as well as for him and you to be able to take joint responsibility of the situation and in decision making. In addition, it will help you to talk, share, express and vent out to him. This process will help lighten your heart to some extent and will help you in the process of taking care of the children. As far as the children go, please see an occupational therapist who specializes in behavioural issues for both the children. Also, since it may seem easier to have a conversation with the 10-year-old, please speak to him on an ongoing basis. Hear him out and explain to him about behavioural patterns and behaviour of his younger brother. Communication with your older son is important to help him understand what is going on with his younger brother while simultaneously seeing the occupational therapist.