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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Online dating troubles

I have recently started using a dating app after being taunted by my friends repeatedly for being single. My experience on it hasn’t been all that good. I met few people through the app in person after talking to them for few days. After meeting them I would feel immense unease and some sort of guilt as if I shouldn’t have come out to meet them. I have dated in past but never felt wrong doing so. I don’t know why I end up feeling this way and then sabotage any future prospects with either of the guys I meet. What should be done?

Ans: Firstly, it is essential to know that this guilt is due to stepping out of your comfort zone which you don’t feel like or the fact that it goes against certain standards held by you which are not met by engaging in these dating apps. If you feel coerced into using these apps because your friends are taunting you then do reconsider this as well. You need to be comfortable with the way you chose to meet people and interact with them at your pace and convenience. This will help you with your feeling of being self-sabotaging the relationship with the guy you like. Who you date, like and how you interact with them and when you do so is a private affair and if other’s comment bothers you, you can try keeping a healthy distance from such comments.


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Annoying anxieties

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a skin ailment and had a rough period dealing with it then. I was 13 years old when I had to make repeated trips to the dermatologist as the situation would aggravate every month or so. The treatment process lasted for almost a year and a half. I had totally lost my confidence and took me a while to regain it and reach where I am today. Recently, I noticed some skin allergy and my anxiety shot up. I immediately rushed to a doctor and got treated and realised it was just a minor allergy. I don’t want this incident or a similar one makes me panic so much so that it disrupts my daily life. Do suggest what can be done? 

Ans: The sign of panic you mentioned is deep rooted which might have been not treated at the time you were going through the medical treatment. The physical symptoms may not be that prominent today, but the emotional scars still remain with you which could have led to an anxiety attack. One good thing is that there is insight and willingness to work on this at the earliest on your part. You can consult a psychologist for a couple of sessions who can teach you certain techniques to overcome anxiety and deal with similar situations better the next time. The hardships you went through as a child affecting your confidence can also be dealt with during the counselling.

Hokkah affecting health

I am a 21-year-old boy and I really love to live my life to the fullest. I party almost every 3rd day of the week and my family is okay with it as I get my work done on time. Lately I have been moving with a different set of people who are heavily into hokkah. I have been enjoying their company but realise that constant hokkah use has been affecting my health as I have developed breathing issues. I can’t seem to work out anywhere because of the same and hence gained a lot of weight as well. I like my friends, but I think I also need to take care of myself. How do I strike a balance?

Ans: The popular myth around smoking hokkah is that people are not really addicted to it and can give it up whenever one feels like it. The constant use of hokkah is affecting your physical health and it needs to be attended to primarily than anything else. You are young and in your prime years to start and stick to a regime of healthy lifestyle. If your friends would like to spend time with you only if you smoke hokkah with them and not gain anything worthwhile then such friendships need to be reconsidered for your own betterment. Your health requires more care and concern at present with the number of problems you have listed. In case you are finding it difficult to maintain a control over the urge to indulge in hokkah, consult a professional to help you at the initial stages.

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Unhappy with parents

Last year I was the class prefect and also headed my school sports team for basketball. This year too my school gave me an opportunity to hold the same positions for which I agreed. My parents on the other end went up to the principal and called off the whole thing without telling me about it. I tried reasoning about this with them but to no avail. I am not sure how else to tell them about this and get them to understand that I can manage both well. Please help. 

Ans: The underlying tone over here is more to do with your unexpressed disappointment and possible anger towards your parents as they decided to go ahead without consulting you in the first place. You wish to convey this emotion to them but are also cautious as to not hurt them in the process as you wish to make them understand your side of story. Have a conversation with them and get to know their fear and doubts regarding you taking up the posts in school along with your academics. You can also speak to your school principal if you really are interested in the sports team and school captaincy so that she/he could also help convincing your parents. Amongst doing all this, your academics is your responsibility as is the team thus, understand the amount of stress you can take while handling both and accordingly make a decision.