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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Drinking disorder

Hi, I am 26 years old. I write this to you as I feel I might have a drinking problem. I don’t think I am addicted to alcohol per se because I don’t “have to” drink alcohol every single day. But, the problem occurs when I start drinking. Once I begin to consume alcohol, I just cannot get myself to stop. A couple of drinks do not satisfy me and I “have to” keep drinking till I am completely sloshed. I often do not remember things I do or say after I am high, and I end up disappointing my friends and others who are around. How should I go about this?

Ans: Drinking behaviour that gets out of control or difficult to handle needs to be approached with an open mind that there exists a problem as addiction isn’t limited to having alcohol every day. You mentioned an intense need to keep drinking as you can’t feel satiated with the first few drinks, this warrants professional help. The need to get completely sloshed also has to be investigated for any underlying depression or anxiety. Taking an initiative to seek help should be a start in the process.


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A Mother’s grief

Hello, I have been married for almost 3 years now. Early this year, I found out that I was pregnant and was elated. My husband, my family and I had thought of and dreamt about the baby’s arrival. However, I had a miscarriage during my 6th month. It was extremely painful not just for me and my husband, but also for both my families. Since then, I have been trying to cope with the loss. It’s been 3 months since the incident, but I still feel low and depressed. Nothing seems exciting anymore. Please tell me what to do?

Ans: One can never define a timeline for coping with loss and thus you are feeling low and depressed even after few months after the miscarriage isn’t something that you need to blame yourself for. In order to accelerate your coping, starting to do small things that would interest you rather than attempting bigger things could be a start. Spend time with your husband and discuss about how you are feeling rather than keeping it to self. The normalcy will return when you are doing little things without trying too hard to return back to how things were.

Misbehaving son

Hi, my son is 4 and a half years old. Of late, he has started behaving very difficult with me and my husband. He would not listen to us, would do the exact opposite of what is told to him, if any of his demands are not met with then he would throw a fit and begin throwing and breaking things around. It is becoming very tough for us to handle him. Please help. Do you think we should go and seek a child counsellor for our son? 

Ans: It is essential to understand from where does this behaviour of throwing tantrums begins, i.e. is he imitating someone at school/home, whether something is bothering him at an emotional level and he is reacting with such a behaviour. A child counsellor could help reach to his emotional side and understand him better. Tantrums if met with strict and disciplinarian approach would result in even more rebel thus it needs to be dealt with love and care which doesn’t appear to be pampering. This distinction can be learnt while you work with the counsellor.

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Taken for granted

Hello, I am a writer by profession and am 30 years old. I am in a relationship with a man who does not value me. I constantly keep feeling like he is taking me for granted. He is currently unemployed, and I end up paying all of his bills. He does not like to go out much and sits at home the whole day trying to work on his new business project which hasn’t taken off since the past 4 months. He does not even look after himself and is dishevelled most of the week. His social life is nil. In fact, if I do not call him or visit him for 2 days, then he would not revert or be bothered. I really care for him and love him. We have had some really wonderful moments together in the past. But, I am losing patience now as I feel that he is not making any effort towards his life or toward our relationship. What should I do?

Ans: Relationships need to be evaluated on the basis of the quality it brings into your life i.e. investing time and energy in a relationship isn’t a reason enough to continue it even if it means you have to drag it. If these issues aren’t discussed amongst the two of you and you feel that it isn’t heading towards where you wish to then at least discussing about the future of this relationship is imperative. Having some clarity on this front might help you take a call regarding the continuity in it.