I have an unusual problem. I get into relationships and am unable to maintain them. I end up cheating on my boyfriends and often cannot completely disconnect with my ex-boyfriends. This has become a sort of pattern in all my relationships where I date someone for a few months, end up cheating on him and eventually break up. I think I need some help in sorting this out. I cannot be doing this every single time. I feel guilty.
Ans: Relationship maintenance has few important factors associated to it: mutual trust, compatibility, and respect are few to name. From what you have mentioned as your problem, there seems to be a lack of all the important factors when you enter a relationship. There seems to be some repressed history in terms of how you view relationships in your life for which a psychologist will be able to help you. the repeated patterns can be worked upon with the help of understanding of how and why it occurs. This also will help you lay groundwork for better future relationships.
My parents are over-protective and are constantly worried about me when I go out with my friends. I will soon be leaving for London to study for about a year. This has led to a lot of anxiety among my parents as they feel I may not be able to live alone and take care of myself. They keep telling me about their concerns time and again. I have only a few weeks before I leave and do not want to have any negativity around this topic. Please guide me on how to deal with them.
Ans: You could connect your parents with the parents of your friends who are also studying abroad so that they can share their concerns amongst themselves and you aren’t the one who hears it every day. Also, have an honest conversation with them where you explain to them that their over protectiveness is somewhere making you feel nervous and negative about the whole thing. They can express their concern but at the same time tell them that you need their positive enforcement instead of the nervousness as to what you would do in a foreign country.
Finding Mr. Right
I turned 30 last month and am still unmarried. My parents are actively looking out for an eligible guy for me. I have met close to 10 guys so far but to no avail. My parents do not understand me at all and make me meet guys who I know aren’t my type. Talking to them doesn’t help. I am getting frustrated day by day. What do to?
Ans: Marriage whether arranged or love, has to be entered into with complete understanding of what it entails. Age, parental pressure, societal views etc. could be intimidating but at the end of the day it is your choice to say, ‘I do’ and also to put your foot down and be assertive about the fact that you wouldn’t want to meet people and invest your time into something you feel isn’t going to be useful.
Love & Locha
I like a guy who I met through a common friend. We talk to each other almost daily and are getting to know each other better day by day. However, I am not sure what he thinks about me and I do not wish to bring in my friend as she is good friends with both of us. I don’t know how to understand whether he feels something for me or should I give up on the whole idea of taking things further.
Ans: Talking to your friend or even speculating what he thinks about you will not help or answer your question of whether he likes you or not. You will sooner or later need to confront your inhibitions and talk to him directly about this as he is the best person in the equation to answer you. If he feels the same you both can work out how to take things further and if his response is on the lines of no, you will be in a better space to decide how to deal with your own feelings then.