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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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The possessive lover

I am in a relationship. My partner is very protective and possessive towards me. It is not a part of his personality but somehow he is passive aggressive when I talk to another male or walk home alone or don’t inform him about my location. I was okay with this at first. I thought it was a phase, but now this is getting in my way. I feel suffocated at all times. My friends are telling me to leave him but I still like him and I don’t want to hurt his feelings or break his heart. Solutions?

Ans: Communicating about your change in perceiving his care to it being overbearing for you might be a good start. If you are feeling suffocated, then do bring it to his notice so that he realises that there are apparent cracks in the relationship. If you like him and do not wish to leave him then work with him towards the relationship rather than discussing this with your friends and getting dejected. Also, explain to him about the fine line between care and possessiveness.


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The blues of bullying

I have been bullied about my appearance for a long time. The people at my school never spoke to me due to my pimples. I then discovered makeup. It facilitates my confidence and pushes it up to a new level. However, I am now mocked for putting too much of it and being pretentious. I do not know what to do because without it I am called ugly, with it they hate me more. I don’t know what to do! Please help.

Ans: Trying to please others and compromising on self often leaves you with disappointments. The issues with image especially pimples can be resolved by having a proper diet, drinking enough water so that it gets cured naturally and you do not have to hide them with makeup. Use makeup as and when required to enhance your looks and not to use it as a camouflage. The people who comment on your looks are looking at the external factors too like someone, then they are not worthy of your time and attention. Being yourself is the most important factor in holding your ground confidently.

A friendship in doubt

I had a friend in grade 8. We used to be very close and spend lots of time together. He was one of my closest friends at the time. However, we had a misunderstanding and drifted apart. I have noticed that since then I have always been there for him when he needs it but he only shows interest in my life when it is beneficial to him. Is it worth being friends with him anymore?

Ans: The change in the relationship is surely causing you to read between the lines and draw conclusions. IF the misunderstanding isn’t cleared as of yet, start with that first and then move to talking about how you feel about his behaviour towards you. In case you do not find any satisfactory response then you can decide whether investing in the friendship will account for any happiness to you personally.

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Pressurising parents

My family is pressurising so much these days since my exams are coming up. I have never been told to study at particular times. I always make my own decisions. However, now, my parents feel the need to make me think about my portion at all times. As a result, my mind it always running and I am worried. I do not get any proper rest. I am constantly exhausted. I do not want to study anymore. How should I talk to them about this and ask them to stop because although it may be normal for others, I am not used to it. 

Ans: You can take them to a counsellor at school or elsewhere who can psych educate them about the stress amongst kids during exams and their negative effects. You can also ask them to read about the stress levels on the internet in some form of articles to at least orient them with the sensitive topic. then you can tell them how it’s affecting you personally and how can they make it better for you. If you convey to them that studying isn’t a problem but their approach towards it is they might better understand it.