I am a mother of 2 children. I am very proud of them and love them all immensely. However, I fell unequal to my task of parenting my second child. He feels left out and cornered. I am older now and do not have the same energy but it would be unfair to give my younger one any less attention that I did for the older. How do I explain this to the younger one, who is upset with me?
Ans: The activities you did with your first born doesn’t necessarily have to be done with your second born. You both can design the fun time you want to spend together doing some activities as per your child’s liking and your physical capacities. This will help you bridge the between you and your child and will also give your child an added sense of responsibility of designing the activities for self and keeping you’re wellbeing in mind.
Being friend zoned
I am a 16-year-old boy and have liked a girl from my school for 3 years. She thinks of me as a friend. I don’t know what to do other than tell her that I like her which I have already done. She said she cannot reciprocate my feelings. She is already in a relationship. I think of her all the time and this is a big problem now as my exams are coming up but I can’t stop thinking of her. It is distracting. I cannot concentrate. What to do, how to get over her?
Ans: The feeling of being rejected or your feelings not being reciprocated may last with you for quite some time but constantly thinking about how things didn’t work out for you will only hinder the process of moving on from this situation. There is so much focus on what she did, what she is doing at the moment that it is not allowing you to move out of those recurring thoughts. the thought process can change when the thoughts are focused on yourself rather than someone else and what is important at the moment for you in terms of functioning. once this gets clarified for you, focusing on your exams can take place.
Realising own mistake
A few months ago, my friend and I had a fight. It was for a very silly matter. We carried it on for a long time. It became bigger and bigger. I haven’t spoken to her since then. I am very upset because I realised that I was wrong. She was rude to me but the real start of the fight was due to my misunderstanding her statement. She tried to explain then got fed up. I want to go talk to her but I feel very guilty when I see her in the school hallways. Is there any way you may know for me to go and talk to her about this and solve the problem?
Ans: Since you realise your mistake and want to make amends with her then the first place to begin with fixing a meeting with her and talking things through. You can start with an apology and follow it by telling her how the misinterpretation led to all the confusion and the eventual fight. the feeling of guilt is only going to keep you away from actually taking concrete steps towards working on your relationship with your friend.
I am interested in art. I have always been good at art and it makes me happy. It is my only asset to express myself. My family is very old fashioned and conservative. They do not consider humanities or arts stream as actual jobs. They think that these things are only passions. I am keen on studying art and becoming an artist. This is going to be hard because my parents and the rest of my family doesn’t support this. I am going to tell them very soon, any advice?
Ans: Laying down a concrete career plan with the choice of your stream may help you gain an upper hand in this debate with family. You can also try connecting them with people who are already a part of the arts field in order to bring about deeper understanding. Ultimately you can also tell them that selecting any other field is going to be tough as you will not be doing it whole heartedly and might only lead to added pressure on to you resulting in sour relationship between you and them.