I have always been very close to my mother since I was a child and she has always taken keen interest in knowing about my friends and has welcomed them home and cooked yummy food too. I am currently 20 years old and I am not comfortable sharing everything with my mother now. I have reduced calling my friends over as my mom does not give us privacy and she always sits along and ‘tries’ to have a conversation with my friends. I have noticed my friends make fun of my mother’s behaviour too and so now I do not call them over. My mother and I do not talk as we used to and we just communicate when needed. There is a friction in our relationship and I really want to mend it, but she too needs to understand that I need my space. How do I deal with this situation?
Ans: Mothers and daughters relationship becomes sister like after a point of time and just the way there are differences between sisters and conflict the same friction affects this relationship too, but the disparity is that here the mothers expect that they should be respected and they would always like to nurture you even if it’s at the age of 20. It is important that you mend this relationship and understand her interference may just be out of care and nurture like she has been doing since the time you have been a child and around your friends, she still hasn’t noticed that you are now an adult and do not need that much of attention. Well you can bring this to her notice and ask her for some space, for all you know she may feel proud of your maturity and understand your needs. Sit down with her and speak to her in a rational way without blaming her for anything, a mother never means bad for her child so discuss her intentions behind her helicopter behavior around your friends, she may be just making sure you have good influence when it comes to your friends and probably you can explain to her that she can now trust you with that as you have grown older. She will appreciate your discussion if you handle this with care and the relationship between you’ll will evolve and be nourished further.
I am pursuing my CA along with B.Com. I have a horrible lifestyle where my day happens to begin at 6:30am and ends at 10pm because of my classes and article-ship. I fall sick often and I have a lot of pressure from my parents to do well. They are not being very supportive as they do not live with me and they also do not see how hard I work and how much I exert myself. I am already tired of my profession and I am not even 22 years old. What should I do? I know I love what I am doing and the perks are going to be wonderful, but it is a lot of mental and emotional stress too. How do I go ahead?
ans: Confront your parents of the real truth, that it seems like you are more troubled by the pressure to perform excellent than to multi task. If you are doing something with passion for it you wouldn’t mind getting involved in it even for long hours of work but when you are at the gunpoint is when the trouble starts, you begin to dislike the work and question your own passion. So don’t take the charm away from your love for the work you do by pulling your strings too hard. Do as much as you can, you should be intelligent and capable only then you have survived until now, so use you ability to your fullest, like you rightly said think about the perks you are going to enjoy later at the same time get yourself to do other things to relax.
I am having trouble with my marriage and I do not know what to do about it. So, my husband is working for a well reputed company at a senior position and he is also very well educated. If you meet him when he is sober, he comes across as a very calm and intelligent man. However, when he drinks (which is usually everyday at home) he turns into a completely different person who screams, abuses and becomes violent. I do not have children and I am probably the only person who sees him like this as he tells his colleagues and friends that he does not consume alcohol. It gets very difficult to live with him as no one believes me of how the situation goes and I do not know how to approach anybody as people would think I am crazy because to the world my husband does not drink at all. How do I go about this? I know I cannot live with this man for a long time.
Ans: You need to seek help immediately before this brings you down as well, because till you remain strong your husband will get the support you’ll need. Most alcoholics are in denial for help or that they are even addicts. Alcohol is a depressant and makes the person lose his ability to think of the consequences of their action, he may not mean to hurt you but under the influence he may get aggressive and loose his control. Generally alcoholics need professional help as they need anti-depressants and constant monitoring and counselling. If he is not ready to seek help, you begin your counselling and ask your therapist to help you out; with their expertise they will eventually extend the help to him. This way you do not have to rely on someone who doesn’t believe you and you are making yourself ready for a hazardous situation.