Free Press Journal

Revolver Ranee! Why it’s time to go horsing around in Mumbai


Now Mumbai is like this only, every year. People have no access to song and dance and they just want live it up vigorously, that too on the streets. Worse, it combines with many a Laxmi bomb, and malas of firecrackers that drive the sparrows, parrots, dogs and cats crazy. I’m surprised how these humans indulging in the jamborees don’t turn deaf.

From the look of it, all Ganeshas surprisingly seemed to have had a smooth ride. Except nowadays we don’t see ordinary Ganpatis at mandals. All are rajas in Ramrajya, no normal sarvajanik Ganpati. Also, there is no fixed schedule for visarjan. From first to the last, Ganpatis are taken for visarjan on all days. So everyday there is loud noise, DJ music, dhol, etc.

We are at no point complaining because our very own Chief Minister has green-lighted the making of noise and flouting of norms in the name of celebration. Speaking of which, this CM seems to be in a rather tearing rush to dig up all the roads and highways for either the Metro or civic works. This collapse of the city is also a first for Ganpatis who will witness it first hand.

And the remaining green cover or open space in the city has been grabbed in the name of every project you can name. Please check if there is any tree left untouched by mistake in your area. Do try and camouflage it. Preserve it for posterity’s sake and ensure it has not been hacked in the name of trimming. The amount of logs taken from the ‘tree trimming’ spree, seems like some new timber factory in the vicinity is doing roaring business.

And just as one thought there was a deadline for every project, an extension or linking of projects is announced with such a rush, we may not have any road left to walk on. But someone needs to tell the CM, going by the impact of rains in the last few years, all future …is likely to be washed away before we see a better tomorrow. Well, then one more reason for the devout to blame the opposition.

This CM of ours is a very busy man attending festivals and cutting ribbons, slowly seeming to take over the role of our Mayor, who is still looking for a house. At least some important person will now understand the plight of home buyers. Obviously, in all these issues, neither could be bothered with potholes or the pathetic state of roads. Thankfully the young Shiv Sainik from the top political family did get a mini shock, as his car hit a pothole recently. Not that this experience will make him cancel all the road contracts given to the blacklisted contractors. That is now asking for pothole-free roads for Mumbai for a full year.

May I suggest, we start investing in horses and area locality stables? Firstly, it will generate employment. Moreover these are tall animals, which helps cut a lot of direct pollution off the roads. Also, it’s low maintenance and no fuel cost. Some long haired Baba’s desi research and development laboratory will surely find superb qualities of horse dung which we will be told is good for our environment. And finally we mortals will come close to living a royal life. No fuel ka kitkit, or adhering to traffic rules. Signals have never been a deterrent for animals, which will give our cops lots of time to rest and, most of all, there will be no honking. We may actually have a better life in this city.