Free Press Journal

Loving Ourselves

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In creating healthy, loving relationships with others, we need to come to terms with that part of ourselves that we feel uncomfortable with. We may have some parts of ourselves that we have disowned or denied, or stuck away in some obscure corner of our psyche because we just can’t stand to hang out with the uneasy feelings they generate. It is when we can’t love ourselves that we look for someone else to love us, in the hope that if they give us enough love, our unlovable part will get better or just go away. Unfortunately, we generally tend to attract those people who don’t love and accept themselves either, thus setting ourselves up for even more hurt and disappointment. So let us talk about how we can learn to love ourselves more fully and unconditionally. Here are some ways this can be done:

1. Dismantle Your Inner Critic: Many of us have a mental bully, the Inner Critic, who seems to delight in hurling negative thoughts at us. The Inner Critic can and will sabotage your success more easily than any external, real-world obstacle. Dismantling your Inner Critic is wonderfully liberating. Tell your Critic off for once, then do it again and again, and see what happens. This inner bully isn’t used to being confronted and will often meekly recoil when challenged.

2.Befriend and Nurture All Parts of Yourself : If there are parts of yourself from your past or present for which you feel shame, embarrassment, guilt or inadequacy, treat those parts with love, nurturing and warmth. These parts really need the healing power of love.


3.Confront Your Own Denial: Imagine stepping back from the drama of your own life, and looking at your relationship history totally objectively. Take responsibility and become as healthy as you can be. Whenever denial is present, you are living with a false sense of who you really are, which contributes to not loving your true self.

4.Access Healthy Inner Resources : Review methods or techniques you have ever practised such as prayer, meditation, yoga, breathwork, bodywork or chanting. Notice which ones have been most helpful for you in opening up realms of peace, serenity, bliss and inner knowingness. Practise these techniques on a daily basis, and continue to learn new ways to deeply connect with your inner guidance.