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When Happy(ness) runs out!

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Let’s not overdo the good, let’s not get too bogged down by the bad! Abhay Deol tells Shubarna Mukerji Shu all about how to stay fit in a relationship.

Also Read: Would love to go out-of-the-box- Abhay Deol

Happy Bhaag Jayegi seems like a case study in all crazy relationship issues…


Does it? You already have it all figured out…

Okay, then tell me what it is about, what is Bilal doing with Happy?
Bilal is dealing with Happy in this film. My character is all smooth, suave, gentlemanly… but it all goes out of the window when he is around Happy. She frustrates him, angers him and basically turns his world upside down.

…All things men usually associate with their wives?
You said it, I didn’t!

Please don’t be so correct…
I have never claimed to be. One of my most recurrent reminders to self is ‘No one’s perfect!’

Does it come in handy when the going gets tough in relationships…
In a way! You see, I am the kind of person who likes to point the fingers at himself. It is the toughest thing to do when you feel like you are the victim. Clearly, you have every reason to point outside of yourself. No one likes being a victim; I don’t – but I think one must question one’s own actions before another’s. That really helps, it does! You may be in the wrong and don’t realise it, you may be in the right and the other person doesn’t realise it…

Either ways you get some clarity!
Exactly! I really try not to get into confrontations. At the end of the day, when you confront, you also have the other person confronting you. So what are your motives? Is your motive here to resolve it or let the person know that you are upset? If you are looking for a resolution then you cannot confront. It is a delicate matter… Speak and be as open and honest as possible, hoping your honesty will come through, hoping that your spouse/ girlfriend/ lover will respond to it. If they don’t then you will get a deeper insight into your partner. If you know you are trying and they are not responding, then they have some issue. Again, if you love that person, you have got to head them through that issue… You have got to love them, flaws and all na? No one’s perfect, you are not perfect either…

It is not an easy exercise….
One only has to remember that the reason one feels hurt is because your ego is hurt, that’s all. If we didn’t have ego we wouldn’t get hurt at the end of the day. You can still continue life in a healthy way, you will still have your job, you will still have your family so what is it that you have lost just now? Realise that when your partner isn’t responding, your ego is hurting… it can be fed again, it is not going anywhere!

You really have to be evolved to be thinking in such a detached manner… when you are so involved in the relationship.
I think too much has been made of ‘who makes the first move’. It is alright if one person has to keep making the first move; if the other reacts, responds, you know that the person respects you and what you have to say. It is frankly a great way to know how much you are respected.

You can get into a relationship with a person who doesn’t love you but you need to be respected. I am not the kind person who would chase a lot. I mean, I will chase, love the chase as far as women are concerned but I would not take over another person’s life. I don’t like not trusting my partner, if I am not trusting her, what the f@#k am I doing with her?  Because I dislike not being trusted, ‘Who is she?’, ‘Why are you talking so much to her’? …these kind of questions make me turn around and say ‘F@#k off and get outta my life right now!’ I won’t stand to be asked these questions…

You have to trust me, I don’t ask you these questions. I don’t ask these questions not because I don’t want to have to answer them but because I want the relationship to be based on trust…

Also Read: If film doesn’t work, people will ask me to go back- Abhay Deol

I could be dating someone who works in an office, someone who is an actress, basically dating a professional. I don’t want to date a woman who just stays at home, it is not interesting to me at all, a professional is always attractive, so well she has got to be doing something. So what if I get a very ambitious woman as a girlfriend, will that make me insecure? Jealous? So I have got to be secure… I ought to have trust, only then will I get a woman who is a professional and then I will add to her profession because she will be secure around me… I might be upset that I don’t see her a lot but I will trust her.