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Trotting the cutting edge of science

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THE only bigger scientific hoax, I guess, is global warming. Or perhaps HIV jumping from monkeys to men, when  we all know the virus was whipped up in a lab as  a biological weapon.

Dear Satyapal Singhji, thank you for exposing the monkey business in modern science! Just when evolutionary biologists had us convinced that we were descended from chimpanzees, you vouchsafed the penetrating insight that “no one saw ape turn into man”.

Likewise, no one actually saw Neil Armstrong take one small step and a giant leap for mankind on the moon, yet they expect us to believe in the Apollo 11 landing! The only bigger scientific hoax, I guess, is global warming. Or perhaps HIV jumping from monkeys to men, when we all know the virus was whipped up in a lab as a biological weapon.


The worst of this Darwinist breed, one Richard Dawkins of Oxford, referred to creationists in scathing terms: “It is absolutely safe to say that if you meet somebody who claims not to believe in evolution, that person is ignorant, stupid or insane (or wicked, but I’d rather not consider that)”.

As if it isn’t wicked and insane to imply that Manu was probably the chimpanzee-human common last ancestor (CHCLA)! Yes, I know geneticists claim that humans and chimps share 98.8 per cent of their DNA, thanks to Watson & Crick and their double helical tricks. But we would rather rely on the Puranas, the repository of all scientific wisdom.

Anyhow, we knew more about genetic science than all the researchers in the world put together.  As the honourable Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modiji once observed, Karna was not born of his mother’s womb. Thus, the great hero of the Mahabharata must have been a test-tube baby, the result of IVF and surrogacy, perhaps even genetic engineering. By that logic, Gandhari must have mastered the art of cloning, which enabled her to produce 100 sons. Modiji also pointed out that the head of an elephant was transplanted on a human body, to create the most endearing of our gods, Ganesh. Compare that feat of plastic surgery with the fuss that western scientists make over kidney, liver and heart transplants.

I was privileged to hear your lecture in Delhi’s Haryana Bhawan last year, at which you shared your views on Charles Darwin’s Origin of the Species and declared that ‘my ancestors were not monkeys’. You have rightly suggested that this atheistic conspiracy should be eliminated from school and college curriculums. You have also proposed that an international seminar be held on Darwinism, at which you will present your arguments, doubtless in favour of intelligent design. After all, didn’t the Discovery Institute, a conservative Christian US-based think-tank, question the validity of Darwinism, with signatures from hundreds of scientists?

Even in popular culture in America, doubts have been raised about Darwinism. In the TV series The Big Bang Theory, the respected Bible-thumping matashri of the lead character, theoretical physicist Sheldon Cooper, does not believe in evolution. In an earlier TV series, Friends, a protagonist, who plays an anthropologist offers fossils as evidence of evolution but his blond lady friend does not believe him.

To say that we lack scientific temper is wrong. We are on the cutting edge of science. Baba Ramdev has developed a cure for homosexuality, which liberals claim is a lifestyle choice and not a disease at all. (Now we find that the Supreme Court has jumped on the liberal bandwagon.) Drawing inspiration from the great Patanjali, the Baba can also treat cancer and HIV through Yoga.

Just look at our research on panchagavya. We already know, thanks to Rajasthan education minister Vasudev Devnani, that cows exhale oxygen. Yet, western science tells us that cows fart methane and that livestock is responsible for 14.5 per cent of global greenhouse gas emissions. We also know that in the event of nuclear war, our villages will be safe from radioactivity, because they are plastered with cow dung.

Lest we forget, gomutra can cure cancer. Pardon me while I gulp a shot of pissky, which comes in two varieties: the Gau Jal developed by the cow protection wing of the RSS and Golaka Pay, a cold drink created by the Kanpur Gaushala Society.

In the field of aeronautical engineering and nuclear science, we were peerless. Didn’t the Kurukshetra war feature weapons of mass destruction? What was the brahmastra of the Mahabharata if not a nuclear weapon? And what about the Pushpak Viman, which was certainly an aircraft – maybe even a spacecraft – of sophisticated design?

People will say that your statements undermine the acknowledged advances made in ancient India in the fields of mathematics, philosophy, astronomy, physics, chemistry, medicine, metallurgy, agriculture and engineering (disseminated all over the world by the Arabs), but don’t worry about it.

I see from your wiki page, dear mantriji, that you initially wanted to be a scientist, but wound up joining the Indian Police Service (IPS) instead. A big win for both science and law enforcement.

The author is a senior journalist with 35 years of experience  in working with major newspapers and magazines.  She is now an independent writer and author.