Author of the international bestseller The Soulmate Secret, Arielle Ford unlocks the wisdom learned in her own marriage along with expertise gleaned from friends and experts.
Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate
Publisher: Harper Collins
Pages: 283; Price: Rs 499
Widely acknowledged as the priestess of love, Arielle Ford who authored “Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide To happily ever after” endeavours to get past the unrealistic expectations of love and romance. She dwells on breathing life into old relationships and focuses on the basics like what love really is and is not. She says changing partners might not be the answer to finding a soulmate. She maintains “Happily. Ever. After.” are the three most dangerous words for women in love.
Relationships take work, commitment, and occasional sleepless nights to strike a balance. Yet many believe that real “soulmate love” will somehow be different, effortless and deserved. Sometimes it takes a year, or two, or twenty but at some point there is restlessness – or worse: anger, frustration, disappointment, and readiness to give up. At 43 Arielle was still single which did not make any sense to her. She had put most of her time and energy into building her own business and her love life until that point had never been easy.
However, within a year she met Brian at a business meeting. On the day they met “we knew. Everyone in the room also knew.” Three weeks later he proposed and a year after they had three weddings. She unintentionally became the poster girl for single women over forty. Often these women will pull her aside and ask “How do I get a Brian?” Eventually her formula became the subject of her books and workshops known as “The Soulmate Secret” which has now worked for thousands of men and women of all ages in forty countries.
What she learnt is that relationships work a lot like lighting a candle. “You light your partner’s wick and vice versa. But sometimes the fire turns into an uncontrollable blaze. The good news is this is normal!” However, in the early years of her marriage she did not know that. Eventually as a seeker it was necessary to become a “student of love. Love does not happen to you. You choose it.” The question that the author is often asked is “How do I know if he is my soulmate?”
This book helps in nurturing a soulmate relationship. It is possible. It takes initiative, commitment and a belief that embarking on this journey to a truer relationship is worth the effort. Unfortunately, most women in the modern world have been lured into a false belief about the meaning of “true love. You have been brainwashed and force fed lies.”
Women set extremely high standards for themselves and often turn relationships into an unattainable goal. It is time for a reality check. The author insists that “soulmate” is one of those heavily charged words that have a different meaning for everyone. It is someone with whom one shares unconditional love and looking into that person’s eyes one has the experience of being “home.”
One of the biggest myths about soulmates is that “we get only one big chance in a lifetime. This is simply not true.” The good news is that we all have many, many possible soulmates in every lifetime. Arielle and Brian’s occasional run-ins serve as a reminder about the things to learn from each other. Sharing one’s greatest fears with another is a great act of trust and intimacy.
The great news is one is no longer a child. Your soulmate is like a companion on your way to that place of healing. Love is both a choice and a behaviour. Everyday one chooses whom to love and express this love through loving behaviour. This does not mean putting one’s self at risk: one may have to love those people from afar if they become a danger.
“Love is the juiciest part of life. Love opens our heart, expands our world, and brings a smile to our lips. For love we make commitments and agreements to share our life with another in good times and bad.” Messages that “sex sells” and “men want it more than anything else on this earth is simply not true.” She couldn’t believe her ears when a relationship expert observed that the thing men want more than anything else is respect. Research shows that men would rather have their wives love them less than disrespect them.
Simply put “your man wants to hear about all the things he is doing right and all the ways he is making you happy. He feels very respected if this is acknowledged in front of friends and family. Celebrate him in public and if one must offer constructive feedback, always do it in private,” stresses Arielle.
Research reveals if a man and a woman want to find their way back to each other “vulnerability is going to be the path to create intimacy.” Then soulful relationships deepen the experience of a couple. The good news is they connect in powerful ways that can help when things get tough. “Marriage is like a marathon. To be a marathon runner, it takes constant effort to stay in form.”
The author draws attention to the unseen force for good, universally available to all that can be “called into our lives through the power of prayer and awareness.” The author notes that the ritual of Karva Chauth in Northern Indian where women fast for their husbands but today more and more Indian men are joining their wives and fasting because they have come to understand that they need their wives as much as the wives need them. This is necessary to “realise and remain committed to sharing with that person our appreciation, affection and attention.”