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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with Relationship problems

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I m a 21 year old boy, I have an opportunity to go abroad and study, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to live by myself and  deal with an all new environment. I’ve always stayed with my family and surrounded by friends, but if I let this opportunity go I will lose out on a great career goal. I don’t know what to do?

 Ans: The complete shift in your environment is quite evident as you will be experiencing a lot of changes and all of them simultaneously. However, you will not be able to anticipate all the changes to be difficult ones even before going and experiencing that environment for yourself. It is important to get acquainted with all those apprehensions you have and discuss them with a professional who can help you in this whole transition phase. Your concerns need to be addressed in a sensitive manner as you will be taking on responsibilities and a proper understanding of the fact that these changes and responsibilities aren’t all that difficult is essential.

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The unseen distance

I am a 54 year old widowed mother from Ujjain, having 2 kids. Both the kids are studying in Bangalore. I feel lonely most of the times and in the process I keep calling them every 3-4 hours, which disturbs them and thus is increasing the distance between us more than the actual difference that exists. What can I do to get their time and also not make them feel that I m annoying them?

Ans: I understand the intensity of loneliness you are experiencing, with both the kids away from home and not being able to be in touch on regular basis. This time away from kids can be utilised for doing things for yourself and keep yourself occupied which will leave less space for you to call up your kids repeatedly and seek comfort. It is never too late to form a new comfort space when it warrants for one. You could join a class that interests you or start a small business if you are keen on that, the possibilities are unlimited. For this you could always seek a consult with your kids and together figure out something that is both to your liking as well as helps you productively utilise your time.

Boyfriend’s advice

I’m a 20 year old woman from Mumbai. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years now, he is 24. He is an engineer and really hard-working. I am in my 2nd year of college and end up sitting at home throughout the day after my college ends, which is after 10:30. We keep having fights about how I don’t take anything in life seriously and that even though I have the time and opportunities available. I don’t know what should I do?

 Ans: There seems to be difference in how both of you are looking at the given situation. Your habits are annoying him to certain degree which might be causing the fights and resultant lack of understanding. His assumption that you don’t take things seriously in life doesn’t seem to stem only from the fact that you wake up late thus a sit-down talk about where does his problem stem from is essential. He comes from a place of concern as well as he is hard-working and would want you to make the best of your opportunities and if his way of showing this concern doesn’t work well for you, communicate this to him in order to help you resolve the fights.

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Matter of friendship

I’m a 12 year old girl. I stay in Indore and have just come into grade 7. I’m in the same school however; it’s the other campus since grade 7-12 is in another campus. I have just lost a group of friends thus, I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. However, I have made 2 friends who are 1 year senior to me. Because of this all the people in my batch have been saying that I am damn arrogant and that trying to grow up before time. I don’t think that having senior friends is anything wrong however; because of this I am unable to make friends in my own batch which is taking a toll on my studies.

Ans: You are at a stage where making and breaking friendships is a very integral part of growing up and growing within a social circle. You make friends on the basis of who you like and who helps you grow as a person and not depending how old s/he is. It is important to understand that at times what popular belief is and what we personally believe might be different. Now in order to stick to what you believe is right there will be opposition which is exactly how your classmates are reacting. This is also a phase wherein you create comfort for your own self by not letting others decide who you can be friends with.