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Agony Aunt helps you to deal with relationship problems

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Religion barring lovers

I am a Hindu in a relationship with a Muslim. Living in the Indian society, this is considered a sin. I am constantly looked down upon. My parents too are upset. My father is against the relation not because he is racist but because of the amount of hate that I receive from neighbours, family and so on. How should I convince everyone? I do not want to run away. I want everyone in my family to be happy.

Ans: In a relationship, the first and foremost criteria is that the partners are comfortable with everything they bring on the table. If you and your partner overlooked the fact that there is religious difference, then others especially your family might come around if the same security is exhibited while you convince them. If you both shift the focus on to your relationship and your happiness with each other in long run, then the parents are more likely to focus on the happiness than anything else.


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Trusting the wrong guy  

I have liked a boy from my school for 2 years. I told him that I like him before getting to know him as a person. In person, he was nice about it and said that he would prefer to be friends with me and wasn’t interested in a relationship. However, he went and told the entire grade about what I told him. I am in the school council and know most people from secondary school. Therefore, this got him a lot of publicity in a way. I am devastated and mortified. Everyone is teasing me and nobody knows the full truth. How do I tell them without getting myself even more embarrassed?

Ans: If people come to you and talk about it you can clarify your stand however if your close friends are cued in and know the truth, ultimately that matters. The other students might talk about it for a while but see you react each time might encourage them more. Instead, keep your calm and react as little as possible. You can also start by prioritising what is important: the fact that you managed to convey your feelings and not be embarrassed by it or being upset by what the guy has done.

Being socially uncomfortable

I have a friend at school that is socially awkward. She is anxious at all times in public places. She is scared to get up and ask for some water during student body meetings and other meets. I have asked her about it but she enters a nutshell when someone tries to speak to her about it. Her parents too are helpless as she is reluctant to seek help. Is there any do and don’t for this situation. It really worries me.

Ans: Your friend might be exhibiting social phobia on the basis of the symptoms you have mentioned. However, professional intervention is needed to rule out the possibility of any sort of other condition/disturbance. As you have mentioned that she is reluctant to seek help, you can probably start by not making her discomfort obvious by either directly talking about or making her realise that people around might notice it. Once you are out of the situation, you can approach her and open the topic by helping her realise that it isn’t anything to be embarrassed about, talk to her about her symptoms and how she feels gradually. once she acknowledges the fact that she can be helped, you can suggest her to visit a counsellor.

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Not prepared for marriage

My dream is to travel. I have worked and slogged for years together to go on my dream vacation to Europe. Now, I am 30. My parents are saying that I need to get married and settle down. I need to make a family before doing anything else. How can I explain to them that I am not ready for this? I want to live my dreams, the ones I see me doing alone. 

Ans: Parents work better when there are assurances and security seen in the plan their child proposes to them. tell them about your plans and give them a timeline in which you would want to explore the world and fulfil your dreams. when you give them the plan they are more prepared towards the acceptance than you simply rebelling against their demands.