Free Press Journal


Getting intimate

I got married a month ago. My wife and I love each other. And I want our sex life also to be very good to have great intimacy. But I am weak at this as I haven’t been with any women before. So I am unaware of what women like and find pleasurable. What kind of foreplay works best. Please suggest techniques.

Ans: As mentioned before for women sex is not just physical. It’s important for women to feel desired, loved and cared for to share good physical intimacy with a man. Also a woman always worries a lot about being judged for her looks and body in bed. Thus few things that held during foreplay are compliments, romantic conversations, sharing inner most desires and fantasies, love making, a lot of kissing, caressing especially in sensitive areas like the neck, ears, breast and navel. It’s important that the man ensures that the woman gets an orgasm too. Oral sex can also be option if the woman is comfortable doing so.

Decoding dreams

Since the past few months I have constantly been dreaming about falling off from a height; sometimes from a building, or from a mountain, or a cliff, etc. I dunno what it signifies, but when I wake up, I am fearful, tensed and also often perspiring a lot. My hands seem cold and numb. This is disturbing my sleep at nights and then affecting my efficient at work. Please help.

Ans: Dream are manifestations of our subconscious mind. Different dreams signify different things. In your case fear of falling from heights may signify anxiety, worry, tension and helplessness. There may be a situation in your life or your mind which is making you feel so. Sometimes we don’t even realise that a problem is affecting us so much, and our mind sends such indirect signals to make us aware of what is really bothering us. Sit back and take sometime out to reflect on your life, the people in your life and situations in your life. Seeking help from a professional may also help you discover your problems and make you more capable of handling all situations more effectively.

Social anxiety

My husband suffers from social anxiety and depression, this also affects our sex life. We have next to no sex, when we do its just oral and sometimes he cannot keep an erection. I have asked whether he has a porn addiction as he is always watching it, but he said that it doesn’t work then either. But I’ve looked through his phone and he’s on it whenever I’m not in the house. I know he’s not cheating, but I just don’t know what to do. Please help.

Ans: Depression and anxiety are a common cause of reduced libido. If he is undergoing treatment and medication, then maybe this is not helping the issue. Some medications are more suited to one individual than another and one side effect of anti-depressants can be lack of sexual drive. Maybe he needs to take a different medication. If he is watching a lot of porn maybe it’s to try and get a rise out of himself, without disappointing you every time you have sex. If he is not getting an erection while watching it and does it regularly, then that could lead to a lot of disappointment for both of you.  But if you trust him and you know he is not cheating then perhaps talk to him and discuss his options with him. It is an extremely delicate subject to talk to men about, however if you are supportive and reflect on how good he is at sex, rather than what you are missing then this might help him to find a solution.

Lack of privacy

When I got married five years ago my wife and I lived alone in Delhi as we both worked in Delhi and had a very steady life. My wife’s parents stayed in Indore. Last year my wife’s father passed away suddenly due to heart failure. Since then her mother stays with us. I understand she is lonely and have no support. She has another daughter that’s my wife’s sister but she has settled abroad and my mother-in-law can’t adjust with the lifestyle there. It’s been a year she stays with us and though she is very helpful in running the house and babysitting my young daughter I feel too tied up at times. I feel we have no privacy and have an added responsibility. We can’t make any decision promptly without keeping her in mind. I don’t want to hurt my wife but I really don’t want to live with my mother-in-law as well. How to I tackle this situation.

Ans: You need to learn to emphathise with your wife and her mother. They are recovering from grief and needs good support system right now. You are jus fearing at this point that her staying may become a permanent situation. You put yourself in else’s shoe then you can relate to what difficulty your mother-in-law would be facing. If it was your mother instead and if she would live with you’ll for the sa0e given reason , you would definitely think this situation differently. Give it time may be your mother-in-law becomes a litte more receptive. Also you can have a conversation with your wife in an humble manner and seek what she thinks about the situation. Yes, definitely one would feel stuck and would need a personal space so probably discussing that concerned with your wife is better than only complaining about your mother-in-law. She may probably come up with something that her mother and you both are happy. Like maybe she pursues things independently, not permanently but she some months can stay with her other daughter. Your wife will understand you if you explain to her to keep their benefits in mind.